Oh yeah, and another thing....

Yeah, I forgot to mention: NOTA sucks. For those of you that don't know, NOTA is the literary magazine published twice a year here on campus. This was my last chance to get into NOTA as an undergrad, and of course, they rejected my stuff. And of course, like usual, they put in like 3 poems each of their favorite authors. I understand the whole anonymity thing, and the fact that "they can't help it if they like more than one poem that happens to end up being by the same author" but dammit, maybe they should. Don't they think it might be a good idea to give some other people a chance? Does one person really need to get 3 or more poems published in the same dang magazine? Personally, I don't think so. I think that the sacrifice would be worth it to give someone else a chance, to have more authors in there. But, then again, maybe it's just me. At this point, I really don't give a rat's ass anymore. They don't like my writing, fuck them. I like it, and one of these fucking days, I'm going to get published.

Join the club: get a cold!

Wow, it seems like everyone I talk to (including myself...) is feeling under the weather. Today I had to call the school and tell them I was sick. I felt bad doing that, knowing I already left early one day this week because I didn't feel well. I thought it was just a light little sickness, but today I woke up just feeling nasty and I could not find the energy to get out of bed. I hope my students did well on their quiz today--I hate to leave them hanging like that.

Oh, guess what! I got an email from Angelica, my old roomie from Sweden. She's still looking forward to Jenny and I visiting her after Christmas. I was sort of wondering how she was doing, so it was great to hear from her. She was in Australia for a month or so, with her boyfriend who was studying there. Now they're both back in Sweden and it looks like things are getting back to normal. Glad to hear she's doing well. And it will totally kick ass to actually visit her in a few months.

Yeah, one more month! Can you believe it? This is going to be one heck of a trip. I know that when I'm there, I'll be so busy and have a blast and it'll just totally rock. right now though, it makes me a little nervous. I'm glad it's coming, just that, there's so much to do before then. Like, searching for jobs and sending out resumes, figuring out what I have to do to get a MN state teaching liscense as well as a WI one, try to save money as my funds dwindle away, pack up, and see as many friends and family as many times as possible before I go. Not to mention, I still have a month of teaching at the middle school. And then there's one particular reason why I'm not totally psyched for London...a certain someone I'm going to miss A LOT. Okay, so I will very much miss Tricia too :) But I was really referring to Chris, this totally sweet and surprising guy that has completely swept me off my feet in the last month. Yep, it was one month ago yesterday that he and I, in the early hours of the day, had our first kiss and started something...wonderful :) I can't believe how much has happened in just one short month....and in one short month, I'll be away for 2.5 months :( I know it's not THAT long in the scheme of things, but I know I will miss him more than he can imagine. I'm not really worried about what it will do to us, because I know I care too much to do anything to lose him. But I know it will be hard.

Strange that I have had such a turn around in just a month, hm? I mean, a month ago, I was "dating" Craig, having doubts about him but figuring maybe I just needed time. Ha! Yeah, shows what I know about myself. Life is just so screwy sometimes. Four years ago, I thought I had my life and love all figured out. Three years ago, I still thought I had all the answers. Two years ago, I had some difficulties, but I thought I had overcome them and my life was well set. A year ago, I was totally chaotic, my mind, self, and heart everywhere and no where all at once. Through that year, the very values I have held most dear were called into question. And now, now I can actually look back at all of this, and see how and why I am at the point I am. I can acknowledge that even though I seem pretty well settled, I'm sure I don't have all the answers yet. I can realize there are a lot of things I still want to experience, and a lot of very important choices I will have to make. And I can also see just how lucky I am, to have the very caring and wonderful friends that I have, the loving family I have, and to have caught a wave to a future that could be very bright indeed.

Read Only

Today at the middle school, I had a rude awakening. One of my students is a young man who tended to turn in things late and is not typically very attentive during class. I try to get him involved to little avail. Today, while I was correcting one of his late assignments, I noticed something. He seemed to understand the concept quite well, but he had major problems with one portion of the assignment. The half he did flawlessly on was a bit of writing, putting together 4 sentences for each of the 4 kinds of sentences (interrogative, declarative, exclamatory, and imperative). The half he got almost every one wrong on was an exercise in the book, where he had to just label each sentence as one of the 4 kinds. I couldn't believe that he could do so poorly on that part, considering his obvious knowledge on the subject as shown by his other work. When I asked my cooperating teacher about it, she seemed to know exactly what the issue was: he was a very poor reader. Of course! I felt so blind for not seeing it. I mean, I was glad that I at least took note of it enough to ask, but still, just wow--it was something I hadn't really even thought of. All this time, I thought he wasn't as motivated or something...but most of it is directly or indirectly related to his reading problems.

So now I'm faced with this issue: what can I do for him? He does not qualify for any modifications or anything like that--he has to face the same challenges as the rest of the students, though he does qualify for a little outside help. I want him to succeed and I want him to BE motivated. I don't want English to be a class in which he zones out, cuts off from the class and does just enough to get by. I know I can't do A LOT, but I want to do all I can to make my classroom a place where he feels comfortable enough to try and to get the help that he needs. I would be willing to read assigments over with him, set him up with a tutor, or just ANYTHING to get him where he needs to be. Unfortunately, it IS English class, and he DOES need to be able to read, and he really doesn't qualify for the special treatment of having quizzes or tests read to him. But perhaps I can change some things in my whole teaching strategy, make up more activitities and assignments that use more faculties than reading. It's so easy to just follow what my cooperating teacher has set up, and it really is difficult to do things TOO differently when I need to be at a similar pace with the rest of the classes. If I was taking on all of the classes on my own, it wouldn't be quite so complicated (though it would be admittedly more difficult, knowing I'd have to do ALL the planning on my own). AGGGH! I wish I knew more, knew how I should go about helping him. I'm going to talk with him, and I hope he will be willing to cooperate and get the help that he needs. I really want him to succeed, and get whatever help he needs in reading...the really unfortunate thing is that he needs to be able to read carefully, critically to be able to do well on his state test.

Stupid fucking state tests. (excuse my Latin) I mean, I know the dumbass legislators think they're doing something good for education, but dammit! What about a kid like this? He seems like he's pretty bright and has a personality and such, but he doesn't make the cut for some kind of intervention or real help. He is "Title 1" which is all well and good, if only our "Title 1" program got more funding. Blasted state and federal goverment!!!! What the fuck were you thinking, cutting back on education?! On a totally side note, what I just did there was use an "interrobang"...it's when a sentence is exclamatory AND interrogative (typically using a rhetorical question). It's some relatively knew thing that some people are trying to make into a legitimate form of punctuation. I guess Wingdings and some other fonts actually include it, with the question mark and exclamation point overlapping each other, sort of like the whole $ effect. Just thought you'd like to know that.

Anyway, yeah, I just had to let out some frustration. I know that I can make my lessons more interactive, student based, and a lot cooler...I just have to do some planning and thinking and strategizing. It's not easy with content material like "the predicate." Grammar fucking sucks. I know it's important to know, but it's another thing entirely to be teaching it out of context. I'm trying to put it INTO context, but I know I haven't tried enough. It's just so much easier to follow the leader, just making slight alterations on my coop's plans. She really is a good teacher and does seem to know how the students work and all that. But she IS traditional, and she does seem to be rather attached to the process of "part to whole"....when the academic world of educating teachers is pushing for "whole to part." The whole dang thing drives me nuts. It's like, who do I follow, who do I believe? I know I should go with what I think is right, but it's rather difficult when I know I have very little experience with teaching. I've spent 18 years as a student (including preschool) and only a few weeks here and there actually teaching. My own education included primarily traditional tactics...and I think I learned quite well. But was it because of the lessons? the teachers? my own aptitude? my love of reading? my parents?! I think it is different for all students, since they all learn through different mediums at different paces. And the academically correct notion is to totally buy into EVERY constructivist theory known to educators. I very much DO believe in letting students have the most say, having them lead activities, making teaching a LOT less teacher-led (a lot of this stemming from my own experience of REALLY NOT LIKING standing in front of a room and blabbing on and on about boring shit while students have to take notes or follow along in a boring-ass book or correct boring-ass worksheets). SOME teacher led stuff does seem to have its place--some things take some explaining, and having students doing ALL the correcting takes a dang long time.

Maybe I'm digging myself a hole here. I'm REALLY not trying to sound like some backwards ass future teacher who thinks everything should be taught the way I was taught. That is SO not the way I feel. I'm just trying to say that I think SOME of the old ways CAN work, if done the right way. But for me, personally, it is not the way I PREFER, even though I'm mostly going with the flow here. The thing I really am realizing is that doing it TOO traditionally does not account for student differences, and I do NOT want to alienate the kids that learn better in non-traditional ways. I really do want to be a good teacher, and I think I still can be one while learning from a very good teacher, even if I don't agree with every choice she makes. Student teachers can be in a very awkward position, having to balance their will to make the class "theirs" while being VERY aware that the students are NOT "theirs" for the majority of the school year. ::sigh:: Overall, I really am having a great experience with these 8th graders, and I think I'm actually learning more about myself as a teacher than I would have ever thought. Caring about these kids is giving me motivation to do more than I ever did in class. I may not be coming up with the utmost in creative lesson plans, but I AM trying to listen to the students, understand their minds and motivations, and get the kids thinking and learning, not just about English, but about themselves as users of language. Keep wishing me luck--I'll never run out of need for it.

Free coffee makes me happy

I just had a nice 16 oz. cup of coffee, for free. :) You see, I stopped by the cafe on campus and the guy working it said they had just close a few min ago at 7pm. Now, last year they were open til 10pm. The other day I stopped by the cafe and one of the ladies that works in the student center said she thought they were open til 8pm this year since it was changed. Well, nope, it's 7pm. Who the heck closes at 7pm? Especially a coffee place?! I mean, what about those late night students working in computer labs? Maybe it wasn't good business for them, but it was certainly very nice. ::sigh:: Just as well I'm leaving--who knows what other crap the U might try to pull :P Okay, ANYWAY, the free coffee came from the nice guy working the cafe. Since they were probably just going to have to dump all the good coffee anyway, cuz they were closed, he said I could have a cup. So he handed me a nice big cup and I filled it half with Irish Cream decaf and some premium Colombian stuff. It was a nice surprise :)

Wow, just a little over a month and I'll be out of here. I wish my housing sounded nicer. I guess there's no bathroom in the apartment. We have a sink, but have to go down the hall for the rest. I wonder what they have for kitchen stuff. ::sigh:: yippee....spend 4.5 years at a university and you're stuck back in the dorms again :P At least it's in central London--there's GOT to be plenty of good stuff to distract me from the boring-ass residence....I just looked at the website for it, and it seems there's no kitchen either, so yeah, I'm not sure what I'll do for food....spend a lot of money I guess :P Ah well, at least breakfast is included in the price (better be, for what we're paying). Bleah, now I'm not in the mood to blog. I'll have to think of more to say later.

Point of Recovery

It's taken a couple years
of reaching and falling
stretching and collapsing

grabbing and missing
the handholds
I'm not a climber
In fact, most times
I've been staying in one place
not really going down
but certainly not going up

How can a stationary person,
an immobile object, hope
to touch anything good
and new, if she never moves?
Now I'm moving, even
if it is pretty slow
but I think I'm going
the right direction this time
up, up and up some more
a few steps at a time
looking ahead and infront
passing by the things
I left behind me

Poetic Ponderings Positively Progress Promptly

Tonight I revised some of my poetry and submitted it to NOTA (None Of The Above), the on campus, undergraduate semi-anually published literary magazine. I've never had a piece of my writing make it into the publication, but I did get on a sort of waiting list for it the first time I tried. Knowing I made it that close has made me REALLY want to get into it someday. But there were some semesters I didn't have anything ready, or that I have a couple solid pieces, but nothing else of much substance. Still, at least I tried a couple times. This time, I think I have at least a couple poems that have at least a fighting chance. It's hard to know what kind of poetry the judges are really going to be looking for. They seem to have their favorite styles, and they usually don't include punchy lyrical poems (as a couple of my past submissions could be described as). This time I think I have a nice variety, ranging from a rhymey basic four stanza poem to a stream-of-consciousness type poem to an abstract kind of self-affirmating poem. I even threw in a short and ragged allusion poem. And another that could be lyrics to a pop or punk song. All in all, a good mix as far as I'm concerned, and that's all that really counts, doesn't it? Okay, maybe not to the board making the decisions, but even so, I'm glad I went through the trouble of submitting because it gave me the push I needed to get certain poems typed up and revised that were either dispersed in journals or stuck in cyberspace. So, wish me luck!

On another note, I FINALLY FINISHED Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!!! Not that it took me long to read it, just that it took me all summer long and plus to actually START reading it. Thank you, mi mejor amiga Tricia! Now I can discuss the details with all of you guys have already read it and have been waiting and waiting for me to get off my ass and read it. Twas a good book, though yes, it was dark, and Harry's all pissy, but still, even Luke almost went to the Dark Side. Well, my hands are getting sore, which is a good indication that I've spent more than enough time behind a computer tonight. Check ya later! :)

It's not my fault...yes it is

Bleah...tonight I was rather insensitive to a friend. I made plans with someone and then proceeded to sleep through them without giving a call. I apologized to her for making her wait and making her worry, but there's not much I can really say. I was tired, I should have said I was too tired to go anywhere or I should have just gotten up and left--not fallen back asleep. I REALLY don't like it when people, especially friends, are mad at me, but I can totally understand why she would be, so I am just going to have to ride this out. Hopefully I can make it up to her and she will not think so badly of me for long.

Teaching this week went okay. It was busy with quizzes, assignments and a lot of things to cover in class, but the kids and I made it through somehow without homework this weekend. It's amazing how many copies I've got to make though :P I'm not being used as an office clerk for my cooperating teacher; I'm just following through on the worksheets and activities we plan out, making sure we have the resources set for class. Today I tried playing a verb game of charades with my two classes. It would have gone alright, I think, if we had at least 5 more minutes, maybe even half the class period. Instead, we had maybe less than 10 minutes to try and explain the game, get the kids in groups and get them playing the game. I guess at least I learned what kind of timing is necessary for such things. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. At least it was Friday treat day so I got to fill up on junk food all day long :P And then "Inservice Day" at Double Days Bar and Grill ;) I actually lucked out quite well with one teacher buying me a drink and another buying my appetizer. I was very grateful :) It was a good end to a loooong week. Next week should be interesting--I am being observed next Tuesday by a supervisor from the school of education AND it's homecoming week so every day is a fun dress day for each individual grade. My 8th grade gets to wear things with these themes: Mon-Red, Tues-(decades) future, Wed-PJ's, Thurs-Sports, and Fri-School Spirit. So I get to be observed on the day I dress for the future...not sure what I'm going to wear yet, but I'm certain it will be something that shows my enthusiasm. Well, I'm off back to bed...geez I'm boring tonight.

Fan-skippin-tastic time in MN

Yep, I had a great weekend! I got to wish Tricia a VERY happy 23rd bday on Sunday (and celebrate it all weekend long of course ;) And I got to chill with Lance a bit which was cool after not seeing him all summer. And, last but not least, I had the opportunity to start something new and wonderful with a fantastic guy :) Neither of us know how it will go with all of the chaos of him having another year of school and me student teaching in London for a couple months, meanwhile both of us stuck in our respective current cities of residence...BUT we're both willing to try and take it step by step, enjoying this unexpected and exciting change of relationship status. Pssst...fyi, in case you for some reason have no idea who I'm talking about, it's my friend Chris P. who in the last couple weeks has become much more than a friend :)

On that note, I'm going to promise to try to keep most of my posts from not being little mushy tales and notes, even if he IS in my audience. Of course, he'll come up a lot more and I look forward to sharing some amusing anecdotes now and then, but I'll save the personal stuff for emails and my hand-written journal. Sound alright to you? Good. So how 'bout those Packers, eh? Yeeeah, Green Bay rocks.

Bon jour! Je m'appelle Katie!

Slowly, VERY slowly, I am learning a very WEE bit of French thanks to sitting in on my cooperating teacher's 7th grade French class. They only meet a couple times a week and it's only an introductory course for the quarter, so it's more of a cultural tasting than a language course. But I've learned a few things about France and I know how to say a couple little things. I have no idea how to spell, and I'm not sure if she's going to teach them the alphabet or anything. I know they're going to learn how to count to 10, and that will be nice, but I'm pretty sure I'll be like any other stupid American tourist when I visit Paris this winter.

Yeah, with Jenny gone now, it's like a constant reminder that I too will be in England in the not-too-distant future. I just hope I can get everything organized and packed given the little time I'll have in GB before I go. I'm so glad I'm getting my hair cut though, even if it's still a month away--I'm so sick of this ultra long mop. For those of you that have known me a long while, you know that this is about as long as my hair has ever been. For some people, this wouldn't be that long, like Liz whose hair has been so long she could sit on it. But for me, it's nearing almost halfway down my back and I find that amazing! And totally annoying. I like it when I make it look nice; however, it's getting to the point where it's just heavy and getting boring. But soon...SOON! My hair will be super short, not quite a pixie cut, but short enough that I can do things like spike it up or put little curls in it. And it will have highlights! I've never put highlights in since it already tends to have highlights, but I'm thinking lighter blonde ones and red ones---ooh, such fun will be had! At least for me. Well, I think that's enough babbling about my hair...it's not exactly the top thing people want to know about. Anyway, I'm in MN hanging with Tricia, so I better go be social :) Later!

She's leaving on a jet plane, but I know when she'll be back!

::sniff, sniff, tear:: Jenny's flying out tomorrow for jolly ole England, and I shall miss her terribly. (Gotta practice the local dialect) The good news is, she'll be having a blast doing some touring while I'm pretty busy with teaching anyway. AND, I'll be seeing her in about 2 months when I too make the journey to that far away place known as "Angle-Land" (or is it Angol, or Angal?...I'm not a history major :P) Know what the rockingest part is? We're scheduled to be on the same flight home!!!! Sweet ass, hm? Yep, I finally bought my tickets, making my trip "official." (as though the roughly $3000 I've spent for this semester hasn't already made it "official"). But yeah, I'm really going to miss that girl :( We're totally going to have to make up for it by having an awesome time in Europe later. Debt or no debt, no holding back when it comes to trying new and fun things. Well, maybe a LITTLE conservation of cash flow would be good, but that will come in the way of lodging at hostels and shopping at grocery stores for food. Wow, Europe...with Jenny leaving, it makes the idea so much more REAL. I know she'll have a great time, and she better keep in touch via blogging or email!!! :) So, let's all wish her a fan-skippin-tastic trip and a kick-ass time in England! Bon voyage, Jenny! Take care!

Do you hear the people comment?

Maybe not "hear," but we certainly are VERY happy that YACCS was able to fix the problems in a relatively short time and make the comments all better again--thank you YACCS!

In other news, school is still going alright. I tell you, sometimes it's so strange to be at home and realize I don't really have much to do at all for "homework." I have some emails to do, and I should be working on my portfolio and also doing some organizing for my London trip, but tonight it was just great taking a nap after school/work (I tend to call it "work" cuz I am acting as a teacher and not taking classes per se). I did some organizing of my notes and room and a LITTLE work. I'll really have to get in gear tomorrow. I want to make sure I have all the little but important stuff done before I leave this weekend for MN. I'm so looking forward to the weekend :) Originally I thought this would be a weekend to go to GB, but I'm glad it turns out I get to help celebrate Tricia's birthday! It'll be good to see mi amiga again, and of course, el hombre que lo me quisiera hacer un novio. If you don't know Spanish, well, there's always a translator. Granted, my Spanish language skills are pretty rusty and I was trying to use the subjunctive which was always rather confusing, but you should be able to get the gist of it. When in doubt, ask Tricia--I did. ;)

Actually, I'm feeling good in most aspects, except this annoying pseudo-cold. It's like I'd rather just get the stupid being sick part over with and move on, but no, I stay on the verge of having a cold, just suffering from sniffles, a little drowsiness, and watery eyes--it's almost like allergies except I don't have sinus allergies, and it's not consistent. But yeah, otherwise I'm doing alright, even talked to Craig online a bit last night and he was friendly enough. I'm glad he's doing well and that what happened was just a bump on the road of experience for him. As for me? I've been good :) Jenny and I went dancing Saturday night and she managed to pick up a fellow--it'll be interesting to see what she does with that ;) And I danced a little with Ricardo from Peru--ooh, how exotic, hm? He behaved himself well so I didn't have to lay the smack down, and dancing with him a little gave Jenny the chance to be more one on one with her dancing fellow. Truthfully, I also could have picked up a fellow, since he did ask for my number, but for one thing, I wasn't really interested, and for another, I think now maybe I could tell you I have a certain person in mind :) Of course, it's all very cool and different and exciting, but it's also very new so time to take it one step at a time. Think I can handle that? I hope so--sometimes I really am so impatient. But I usually can find plenty of patience when I'm waiting for something good.

There is one dilemna that arises from these new developments...he reads this blog! "Not again!" you say. Aye, unfortunately, tis true. Not that I mind his reading the blog, but there is that whole conflict of interest thing that may come up. For now, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and write what I would normally write. Eventually though, I might have to think about making some changes :(!!! Unless of course he promises to not read my blog...or maybe I just need one of those flashy things they use to erase your memory in MIB..hm...anyone know where I can get one? ;)

In five years I will be in collage

Yep, you heard it hear first. A new surge in art students arises as Kids are choosing to skip the dull old routine of attending college and going straight on into collage. When asked to comment, eighth graders stared blankly and said, "What?" Ahh, my wonderful eighth graders. Maybe they can't spell, maybe they can't write well in cursive, and maybe they can't tell left from right, but by God they will learn in my English class. At least that's my hope.

Right now I'm teaching just one of five classes of eighth grade English, taking on the 21 students of 3rd hour. And I've gotta tell you--I like them :) They're a good bunch of kids overall. Even though I can decipher the students I would have been friends with from the kids that would have made my life difficult, I see them all as "my class." Eventually I'll be teaching all five classes, taking on more and more responsibility as the weeks pass. For now though, I'm happy having the small load right from the start, getting accostomed to names and faces and the daily procedures that go on in the middle school. My class just rocks. There's one girl that has seen Pirates of the Caribbean more than I have; one boy that likes DBZ; and one kid that had a good laugh when on the first day of taking attendance I didn't know if the name was "Alexander" or "Alexandra" because the last part of the name was cut off in the copy...I had to ask and it turned out to be an Alexander, and he took it all quite well. Only one week, four days of classes and already I have stories to tell and am learning through trial and error. Sometimes it's easier than others, for instance, today I had a hard time keeping them quiet while they worked on prewriting in class. Some of the students not only wanted to keep on talking to each other; they wanted to talk to me too. Those little buggers :) You know how talkative I am, so it's all I can do to keep myself in check too! Ah well, I'm still learning too, so it's not like I'm going to have it all down now. Gotta learn something in the next two months of student teaching, right?

Tomorrow (well, later today since it IS after 1am) Jenny is supposed to be visiting, so that will rock da house. We're totally hitting Water St. for a couple drinks and a lot of dancing :) You know, tonight I actually ran into an aquaintance from APO that I hadn't seen for a year or so who is still going to school hear. She was at Target with her boyfriend and two of his roomies. They were buying Simpsons Jeopardy, and they actually invited me to go back to their house and play. Maybe if it were Star Wars Jeopardy I'd be tempted, but as it is, I almost never watch "The Simpsons" and would be horrible at the game. Not to mention, I'm not really good friends with her and I just met the rest of the guys, so it just didn't seem like a kosher idea. Besides, I'm a good girl, you know ;) Well, okay, I'm trying to be. Come on, you've got to admit that I'm doing better than last year. And with everything that's going on this year, I have a lot more incentive to be on my best behavior. So, I'm going to try to keep walking in the right direction. Maybe I can even start running. Or perhaps driving? :) For now, a good relaxing weekend and a full night's sleep. Sleep tight with amusing dreams!

Blame Canada

(No offense Homie) I had a great blog entry, and stupid blogger timed out and erased it all. I'm a bit peeved. Now I don't even feel like blogging it all again :( It was all cool and reflective about my teaching experience thus far. ::sigh:: I guess I'll redo it tomorrow. Right now I'm just too tired, even though I had a LONG nap today, only woken up by a very welcomed, short but sweet phone call :) School comes early tomorrow, so I better get some more sleep. Until next, may your dreams be pleasant and beautiful.

Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memories...

Last night I did something I really did not want to have to do, but I had to do it. I broke things off with Craig. I had been having doubts for a while, and this last weekend I finally got to the point where I knew I couldn't put it off any longer and I had to really face the fact that Craig and I are just at two different points in our lives and have too few connections to make it through the barriers. And I know that really this will be a much better situation for him, knowing he has at least 3 years of college ahead of him and so many experiences yet to have. We just were not right for each other, but I wanted to take the time to make sure. Now I know, and though I feel pretty bad for putting him through it all, in the end it's a good thing for both of us.

As for teaching, so far so good. The kids are going to be a handful and more, but I'm hoping that thinking on my feet and my sense of humor will get me through it without too many scars. Getting plenty of sleep should also help...I should have been in bed hours ago. BUT, I got to see Tiff who I hadn't seen since she left EC over a year ago. Now she's back to work on her schooling again. YAY! :) And Ms. Jenny might be coming to visit this weekend! So, all around it's good times with good friends. AND...there might just be some more good things around the corner...or closer ;)

P.S. Sorry the comments aren't working. YACCS is having issues with their server, and they're doing the best they can. I miss comments :( But soon! Soon they shall return! Until then, you can always email me if you've got something good to say ;) (just check the left margin of the blog for the link "ask me") Sweet dreams, all!

It's so much better when everyone is in--are you in?

Tomorrow is the start of the school year. I'll be up in about 6 hours, and then it's go go go. For all intents and purposes I should be at home, but I'm here in the computer lab blogging and emailing and chatting online. Bleah, what's new about that? So much swirling through my head right now, I'm not sure I'd even know where to begin blogging about it. I haven't even decided what I'm going to wear tomorrow for school, let alone what I'm going to do about the rest of my life. I've got some major responsibilites to take care of this week, some of which I'm REALLY not looking forward to...but I'm going to do the best I can. Sometimes I'm really mixed up and downright irresponsible, but hopefully you know by now that I mean well. Eh, life's for learning, and I'm definitely still learning. I have a feeling this school year could be interesting. Wish me luck--I'm going to need it.

The World is Fair and Bright

In Minnesota and it's State Fair time. Considering how close we are to the fairgrounds, we thought we'd give it a try this year and join the throng of traffic heading to the Minnesota State Fair. I've never been to a "state" fair, though I have been to a "county" fair, and I can't say I was overly impressed. Beautiful bovines don't turn me on, nor does the whole $8 to get in on top of the ungodly expensive food, rides, and vendors. Oh well, for $8 I could see Pirates of the Caribbean again and I said I wouldn't do that, so I'll just think of this as insurance against a 5th POTC showing. ;) Nah, it'll be fun walking around and checking things out with Tricia, Chris, Karin and Mark. It'll be especially great to see Chris who hasn't graced my presence since the last dna show I went to back in the spring. Not much time til we head out so I better finish getting ready. I'll save half of my foot-long for ya ;)

Sleeping the night away

Wow, I slept a REALLY long time last night. I crashed around 7:30pm, waking up once when my housemate checked in on me, not realizing I had totally zonked out, and once when I realized it was 12am and I still had my clothes on and contacts in my eyes. Groggily, I half crawled to the bathroom, took care of my contacts, somehow possessed the motor skills to don my pjs, and sprawl upon my bed. I didn't get the motivation to get up until almost 10am. Granted, me out of bed before 10am when I don't HAVE to be is considered a miracle by some dictionaries. So I got a LOT of sleep last night, which enabled me to actually get a few things done today. For instance, I stopped by the campus and checked on my finances, checked email and chatted online, went shopping a little with Heidi, had some dinner from the deli, did some "homework" for class on Tuesday, and now I'm blogging! May not sound like a whole lot, but it took up some time. Oh, and I called Matt from EC, even though I wasn't sure he deserved it, because I'm a nice girl and thought I'd be a good friend and let him know I'm in town. However, today and tonight he's busy and then this weekend I'm off to MN!!! So no hanging with Matt until perhaps next week...maybe. I'm not going to avoid him like the plague, but I know I have to be guarded--he has a way of sweet-talking that I just don't buy into anymore. Not only am I currently registered as "unavailable," but he also fairly ticked me off at the end of the school year last year/the beginning of the summer with his whole disappearing act. Bleah, guys.

As for Craig, I talked to him once on the phone after he gave me a call, and we've emailed a bit. Talking to him online probably won't happen often with me not having an overly convenient computer to use and being gone at school all day. Still, we're doing okay about keeping in touch, so I'm not overly worried. I feel bad that I have so many things on my mind and I sometimes forget about him, but I'm trying. I'm sure he's running into the same thing, though I'm used to the whole long-distance gig. Of course, when I was doing it last time, it was after Mike were together for a while and knew each other quite well...and had professed our love to each other. At this point in the game, I'm not ready to profess anything. I probably won't for quite a while, not with all of this time apart...it makes for getting to know each other better quite difficult. And I need more time before I can honestly say I care that much for someone. I can't even sign my emails with "love" though he did, probably from habit or something. I just do the little "Katie :)" which hopefully says enough. It's all kind of weird, but still good and I think I can handle it just fine for now. When school gets me busier, it may be harder to keep the optimism, but then again, it'll also give me less time to think about stupid things and it'll get me through the boring or lonely times. And you know I can't help but look ;) Besides, I wouldn't want Craig to just give up looking either--you just never know what hand life will deal you.

I guess that's about it for now. It feels good to be blogging again, and I'll try to keep up with it despite the inconvenience. I'll just have to hope my students don't find this blog ;)

School days, School days, cold and boring inservice meetings...

So, maybe that's not how the song goes, but that's how the last couple days have been. Today was a little more interesting with doing more decorating of the classroom and figuring out the lesson schedule for the first two days of school next week. You may wonder at my lack of blogging, and for that, I apologize. I no longer have a decent computer with cable internet connection right at my fingertips. Instead, I have an old one with dial up, so I can't write much now. I'll see what I can do about stopping by the campus and using the nice comps with ethernet :) But, probably tonight I'll be too lazy. So SOON! For now, just wish me luck with those rascally 8th graders!

Prepare to fast forward! Fast forward! Fast Foward!

It's a countdown to EC! Tomorrow I get to pack up, make cupcakes, go shopping, hang out with Mary, Tricia, Shelly, and Amy, do laundry, and clean up my room--not all in that specific order of course. This is all in preparation for my move back to EC on Monday. From Monday on, this is going to be one hella-busy week involving meeting up with my cooperating teacher at Altoona middle school, going to a few inservice days, attending a seminar all day Friday, finally seeing my friend Heidi after a summer of no seeing Heidi, preparing lesson plans and a unit schedule and organizing the classroom for when school starts the following Tuesday, AND to top it off, most likely I'll be spending at least part of my weekend in MN to kick back with old pals :) I've missed you all! Especially you, Jenny, the slacker who never drove to GB to visit :P All I can say is that you better make your way to London once or twice to make up for it ;)

For now, it's time for bed so I can actually manage to function tomorrow. I HOPE my parents don't wake me up early...I can only hope...

Katie: Fridge Raider: The Ladle of Soup

Another semi-obscure and wholy absurd allusion. Tonight, after a day of calling in sick for work and proceeding to sleep in, eat chicken soup, watch TV and talk online, I went to see the new Tomb Raider movie with my brother. It was all I expected it to be and less. Having seen the first movie a couple years ago, I knew this sequel would be full of action and not a whole lot else. But, the choices at the movie theater tonight were slim and both Scott and I were in the mood for an adventure type movie. Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, a movie we both WOULD have wanted to see: T3: Rise of the Machines has left the main theaters and has yet to transfer to the budget.

Fortunately, a few good things DID come out of seeing this movie tonight:

1) Movie popcorn and my first soda (I got a white soda, so it's not QUITE as bad) in a week.
2) Quality time with my big bro.
AND...
3) Disney is coming out with a new movie, perhaps incalculably more gutsy with almost certainly more potential to be as crappy as Pirates of the Caribbean was excellent....another movie based off a ride. Only this time...no Orlando Bloom or Johny Depp. Nope, this one has Eddie Murphy...the poor soul. I must give Disney the slightest bit of credit for not making It's a Small World: Curse of the Neverending Song. The ride is...The Haunted Mansion. Dude, I remember that ride from when I was about 5 years old. It was only slightly creepy then. While watching the preview, a slight smile DID come to my face, recognizing some scenes taken almost directly from the ride--much as parts of POTC did--BUT, I'm just not sure how great this movie could be. Still, I try not to judge a movie too harshly by a preview--I mean, some movies have had great previews and it turns out that those 2-3 minutes were the only good parts at all. We'll see how it does at the box office whenever it comes out. Until then, I'll try to block it from my mind.

She's a light-hearted fool, look into her eyes

Okay, so it's a really mangled allusion to Paula Abdul's "Cold-hearted Snake" that only 1% of the people got when looking at this title, but I really don't care :P I realized while reading Jenny's updated blog that I really have been in the same confused and semi-upset mood while writing all my latest entries. And that, my friend, just doesn't work for me ;) Time to pep things up. BUT not now, cuz it's late and I have to be up in 2 hours...so not cool. but SOON!! soon I shall write something...amazingly light and fun and NOT to do with relationships--that will be amazing in itself! Until then! So long, sucka ;)

So I own not a notion

"I escape and ape content. I don't own emotion; I rent." Something like that. I'm really confused. I thought I knew what was going on, and now, I'm not sure. I thought I had doubts, and now I'm doubting that I have doubts. What happens if I doubt that I'm doubting having doubts? Exactly, who the puck knows? To put it more plainly, when I started dating Craig it seemed like a good plan. Then, I started having doubts about the whole thing, with the age thing, old feelings, soon to be long-distance, and differences all coming into play. But THEN, I have a night like last night when it's back to having a pretty good time and wondering if I'm just being too rash and panicking perhaps due to the fact that I might be afraid to enter a long-term relationship. At this point, I really don't know. I want to give Craig the chance he deserves. But does he deserve someone like me? Or someone who will understand him better? Do I see a future with him? Or am I "still looking for something more extraordinary than that?" I think I need to time to work this all out in my head. Problem is, will the distance this fall help me clear my mind or just add to the confusion? One of the questions in my mind that does plague me is: okay, put this way, would I choose Craig over someone else? And not necessarily someone I've even met. It could be some great guy I meet someday. Just WHAT exactly am I willing to risk? For now, I'm dancing between giving things time to develop and stalling--one minute doing one or the other. I just hope it all works out alright. ::sigh:: relationships are a pain in the ass. You'd think I'd have learned that by now :P Guess I'm a slow learner.

The Cliffs of Insanity!!

I'm going nuts. I must be. I'm fricken insane. What is wrong with me? What more do I need, honestly?! I should be all happy and content and ready to take on the world. But I'm not. Tonight at work I felt downright depressed. As time went on, I went from feeling crappy about having to work 10 hours tonight, to feeling crappy about how things are going in my life. WHY?!! Why can't I get over him?! Why is it that recently he keeps invading my thoughts, invading my dreams? I HAVE a boyfriend--a very nice guy who treats me well. What more do I want?! What more do I need?! Why does this not "cut it?!" Give it time, give it time--I keep repeating to myself. I pace the yellow caution line at work--on one side is a solid, safe path; the other is riskier, I could roll forwards or backwards...move on or regress. ::sigh:: What am I doing? Do I have any clue? Does my life have any direction whatsoever? And how much am I willing to risk? Am I willing to take a chance? UGH...full of questions and partial thoughts and disjointed feelings right now. But...After all, tomorrow is another day.

Dude, she's stacked!

As in, she has stacked...she has stacked all fricken night long. And it was boring...very boring. The only bright side was finishing. And also having someone to talk to. Meanwhile, NYC is powerless without electricity. The generators at the news stations seem to be working just fine :P It's so odd seeing tons of people sleeping in the street or walking in flocks on highways, trying to get home. The largest blackout in North American history. I love the way the news people keep asking if any looting has happened. It's like they are ASKING for people to start looting so they can get more news footage. They probably just want to go to bed, like I do, so they're trying to amuse themselves. Wow, someone in labor...geez, what a day to have a baby. "I hope you're happy, young man/woman. You've been nothing but trouble since the day you were born. I don't have the evidence, but I'm pretty sure that major power outage was your fault."

Locally, nothing really new. I get to work 4pm-2am AGAIN tomorrow. ::sigh:: The only good thing is my parents are camping this weekend, so I can sleep in and relax for the rest of the weekend. Oh yeah, and I've stopped drinking soda--been "clean" for 2.5 days now. It's kind of annoying, but it's better to do without the soda, save some money, and save my poor teeth. My dentist appointment on Tuesday informed me that I should quit drinking soda, especially the worst ones: Mountain Dew and Pepsi, or the decalcinization (something like that) going on in a few of my teeth could lead to cavities within a year. Considering the fact that I've never had a cavity, that bothers me. SO, I'm drinking more juice, water, and milk, and we'll see where that gets me. It's possible that the deterioration is already too far along, but I'm hoping I can do something about it. Of course, I'll have a soda now and then, and just make sure I brush my teeth soon afterwards. I know that cutting back on the soda is probably a good idea anyway since I don't get enough fruit in my diet and juice is probably the best way for someone like me who is not a fan of many fruits. And yes, I realize juice has a lot of sugar in it too, so I have to watch out for that. BUT, it's that folic acid in soda that really gets ya.

Alright, that's enough for tonight. It's almost 4am and I get to go back to work in 12 hours. Bleah...I strongly dislike working. If I could make $10/h + overtime without working, I'd probably choose to do that. But so far, I have yet to discover a way to do that. Let me know if you've found anything like that :) Until then, it's sleepy time. Later ;)

Where are those plans?!

An obscure quote to be sure, but one I enjoy nonetheless. Last night (early this morning) Jenny and I finally figured out a rough plan of where and when we'll be during our time in Europe. Within a week I plan on buying my plane tickets. Next week I'll be paying Cheryl my 2 months' rent for her house in EC. Next week I'll be contacting my cooperating teacher for my student teaching in Altoona. Next week hopefully all my tuition and loan issues will be taken care of. Yep, plenty planned for next week. Now if I can just get through this week...

And I said to myself sit down...

My mind is strange sometimes. It's as though...I can feel something coming. Lately, as in the last few days, I had the song that goes "Sue me, sue, what can you do me. I love you," from Guys and Dolls in my head. I wasn't even positive it was from that musical, though I was fairly sure Nathan Detroit sings it, which he does. I found that out tonight when I was flipping through the tv stations and ran into the last couple hours of the musical. I hadn't watched it since high school--I think after we performed it freshman year at NDA, but not long after. So yeah, sure enough, here I am watching the musical and hearing the song I had in my head, thinking, hm, well isn't that a coincidence. Or maybe tv is just so predictable I knew it was coming from some sort of inlaid pattern of tv scheduling. Who knows?

I really don't know what's wrong with me lately. I think perhaps it's life catching up with me. The school year is coming on, and soon I will be back in EC, only teaching instead of being taught. Granted, I still have a lot to learn...And then after two months, it's off to London. After that, 3 weeks of touring Europe. After that? Yeah...Why am I so concerned about what comes next? Why does it keep resurfacing in my thoughts even though it's months away? ::sigh:: Major decision making time. I suppose that is it. I'm going to be making some very important decisions about my future...things that will decide what I do, where I will be, and WHO I will be and...who I will be with? Too early to think about that...or is it? This thing with Craig--I know it's a good thing. Why am I not more certain about it? I have been more certain about other guys...guys who didn't work out. Like who? Well, Brandon sticks out in my mind. Someone I had a connection with right from the start, someone I thought had some great qualities and was someone worth taking the time for. But it didn't end up that way...me being partly to blame...my impatience. "You can't hurry love." My theme song. I suppose I should remember that now. True love doesn't happen in an instant. I should know that. Who else? I did really like Ryan. You know that. But again, my impatience. I really messed that up...though somewhere inside me, I know that he's not the type who'd stay with someone like me. At least he's not completely pissed at me anymore. Losing friends can really suck. And who else? Well yeah, there's him. But, thinking back, I mean REALLY back, I didn't know I would fall for him. It took YEARS to realize my feelings for him. And it's taking me years to try to forget those feelings.

Tomorrow, well today, is his 23rd birthday. I hope he enjoys himself. ::sigh:: I never dreamed he and I would be at this point in our lives. Years ago...I thought I would marry that guy and always love him. Less than 2 years ago, I had to forget that plan...and then it was rekindled...and then forgotten...and then nearly rekindled...and snuffed out. Ugh, it's not like he was perfect. Far from it. And he's dating someone, has been for months. He must really care about her or he wouldn't bother. Maybe he's even in love. I, I can't seem to get over this curiosity--to know what's going on in his life. I guess, I want him to remain a part of my life, even if it makes it more complicated. I know, I'm dating Craig--and I meant it when I said I would do everything I could to keep from hurting him. I want to give him a chance. And I want him to keep giving me a chance. It's just, it will take more than a month of dating someone--even someone that great--to make me forget the one guy I ever truly loved. And I know that the truth is, I will never forget Mike--he'll always have that special reservation in my heart. He gave me a collection of memories...some of my happiest...and my worst...very worst. I still remember sitting on the couch with him in my living room, hearing him tell me why we cannot be together, hearing his words and seeing the tears streaming from his eyes...and feeling his soft blue jacket on my cheek...smelling his cologne...and kissing him "one last time" so I would not forget what it felt like. How could I want someone who caused me the worst pain in my life to remain in my thoughts? I am a strange breed.

Would I ever get back together with him? I'm not sure I can answer that question. I'm not sure it matters. Is there a point in life when there is no more fork in the road? No diverging path from the one I am on? Would I even have the strength to take the road of the unseen instead of the familiar one? I don't know. And what about him? Would he have the strength and humility to come back--to take the difficult way? Or would he think that way is too impossible for him? Does it matter? Probably not...he has a girl. She's probably a very nice person. Probably someone who will play games with him. Someone who will be the adventurous, sexy, mysterious, smart-ass companion he's always wanted. Should I be sad about that? Should? no. I SHOULD be very happy for him, and happy for me as well, know that then I can finally move on. Can I? What about that stupid lab rat program that's still running? Yeah...I think that rat will always be there, even when I'm happily married with 2.4 kids and a cat and dog and enjoying a wonderful career and friends and family and it's all good...even then...there will a memory of something long ago that was wonderful and sad. I'm so pathetic. But resilient! oh yes, resilient. But, he's my friend. And I'm thankful for that. And I really am glad that he's happy. But if he ever changes his mind, I hope he would tell me...shyeah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. Like he's going to want to retrace his steps and join me on my path to the future...a path that would make him "moderately happy." But..what about what he said? What about him dating others and finding out the truth, finding out what it is like...and then...? Welcome to real life! It doesn't really happen like that. A guy doesn't break up with a girl (repeatedly) and then after dating others think, hm, she really WAS great, how about I just try it again? That's the thing of fairy tales..and what a MESSED UP tale it would be.

Yeah, for all of my education and experience, I know rocks smarter than I am when it comes to love. Sorry to babble on like this. It's just all been on my mind lately. And as I was saying earlier, I think it's because the summer is coming to a close and soon I will have to choose. Once I finish college in December, will I stay a while in GB? Will I move down to Madison? or will I choose Minneapolis? I know which one has the most pull for me...but I can't deny that the other places are pulling me too. If I leave GB,what about my family? and what about...it's like saying...I give up. Giving up would probably be the best thing for me. But I hate giving up. And what about Madison? If Craig is going to school there, wouldn't being in the area give us the best chance? ...and what about my other needs? Minneapolis is where my friends are, my alternate family...the people I CHOOSE to love. Wouldn't it be about time someone chose to be with me instead of the other way around? Why can't he...whoever he is...come be with me? If I am still with Craig, wouldn't it be good for him to have his college experience without my interferance? And me? Shouldn't I go where my future is brightest? OH the confusion :( Months away, I must remind myself.

Please, do not think less of me for this spewing forth of whimpering thoughts and feelings. I just...I had to get it out. I'm not THAT messed up, believe me. I'm just uncertain. And that's okay, simply more complicated. Rest assured, no matter what the future brings: I will not settle. I'll not be brushed aside, misused, complacent, apathetic, or taken for granted, nor will I sacrifice the things I know in my heart I SHOULD be doing with my life for the things on the "quick and easy path." Maybe I am less trying to convince and more trying to remind myself. At least I can rest easier tonight knowing I can trust friends to find some grain of sense from my ramblings and either give me an ear or a swift kick in the rear--whichever seems healthier at the time ;)

The juices are flowing...creative ones, that is

FINALLY!! I updated Meandering Evengale!!! As I mention in a comment, I realize that I haven't written much, and the plot really hasn't advanced, but I assure you it's simply an introduction to what WILL be plot advancement. And if someone has the thought that the place I describe sounds awfully familiar and yet the location is off, well then, yes, you are right to both points. I'm skirting reality, without actually limiting myself by it (or having to be painstakingly detailed...as I can already be...sometimes). Anyway, I thought you might like to know that. I'm hoping to continue writing in ME much more frequently, but Tricia's gotta help out too :) Feel free to work on advancing the story, but it might be a good plan to converse first, or perhaps post without publishing or post, publish and we'll work out the finer points later. Anything goes in that blog, but I do have an idea or two of where that particular episode is going ;)

Anything else? No, not really. Working 2nd shift again this week so that'll be a blast and a half. At least it means sleeping in and getting to go to the dentist on Tuesday. Oh, and if anyone needs some small boxes, say 12x6x6, just ask and ye shall receive. Why do I have 25 corrugated paper boxes that size? It's like Apple Jacks: I just do. Though I can't say I'm a big Apple Jacks fan; they're okay I guess. I prefer Honey Nut Cheerios, Grape Nuts, Froot Loops, and once in a while Rice Krispies or Corn Flakes (with sugar added of course). Why do you need to know that? You just do. And why am I up at 4am blogging? Good question.

waheoinasflnfcnaiewhrlsnfksgg;'dstghwsahere

That's how I feel right now. I am soooo smart, volunteering to come in to work 6am-2pm on a Saturday after working 3pm-12am the night before. Yep, S-M-R-T, that's me. ::sigh:: Anyone want to give me a massage? I'll make you cupcakes, REALLY, no foolin.

The tigers come at night

Sometimes I wonder if my mind enjoys spinning in circles. It seems I have a pattern inlaid in my being that tells me to think about this or that at different times in an unending cycle of confusion. I have moments when everything feels just right and I know where my feet are taking me. I have other moments when I feel the swirl of uncertainty around me, reminding me how very little I know and how many unforseen detours these feet have taken. Am I preprogrammed, running the same process over and over again expecting by some miracle to get a new result? Would I be the lab rat that keeps throwing itself into the electric current to get the delicious piece of cheese at the other end of the maze? Does that make the rat resilient or self-destructive or just plain stupid? ::sigh:: So I'm a stupid lab rat, sue me. I'm the rat that sees all the wonderful varieties of cheeses--Swiss, string, Colby, Pepper Jack, Parmesean, Goat, Bree (sp?), Mozzerella, etc.--displayed right in front of her but is still frying her little furry body to a crisp trying to get at the first piece of medium cheddar she laid eyes on. Yep, some obsolete, low frequency processor in the back of my brain refuses to quit running the "Stupid lab rat" program. Someday I'll have to get it upgraded.

Note: No offense meant to lab rats. I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly intelligent lab rats out there.

Working after bar time

It's really sad driving home at 2am, with the streets nearly bare, only the occassional Tuesday night drinker cheerily passing by me who is caked with dried up sweat and paper dust and some smears of grease. Working 10 hours, from 4pm-2am isn't exactly ideal, but I can't say it's much worse than working 9 hours 3pm-12am, since I would be up that late anyway. ::sigh:: My body is pretty tired, but my mind is going and going so I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I nearly threw in Star Wars since I was in the mood, but I resisted the temptation, knowing I'd REALLY be up late then. Only 2.5 more weeks of work left. I almost wish there was more, cuz I know I need the money, but I'm afraid that I really can't manage to work that last week and be ready to move to EC, and see friends, and organize my affairs without that extra week. Not to mention, I need to contact the middle school I'll be student teaching at to find out if I need to get there early to talk with the teacher. EEEK! The school year is coming on fast! So much to do in so little time and so many thoughts running through my mind. Time to watch an episode of Trigun in an attempt to slow down. Later!

Dan and I must be on the same wavelength, I swear

Speaking of Rent, look who's been taking to quoting lines from the musical as I have...and don't say I just copied him cuz I didn't--he copied me...well, okay, he probably didn't and maybe it's suspicious that I start talking about Rent after he does, but well, just poo on you if you don't believe me :P See, he does it not once, not twice, but three times. Which goes to prove what I have always said, RENT rocks :)

On another note, this afternoon I chatted online with both Matt and ex-Mike. Good times, hm? Yeah, I basically told both of them about how I'm seeing Craig, which was okay I guess. Matt sounded a bit disappointed, saying something about how he did like me, but he fucked things up and he feels bad about it. He said he still wants to hang out with me when I get back to EC, so I suppose I could do that. He admits that he still is going to flirt, and I said I can allow that ;) But no fear; I'm going to be a good girl :) And as for Mike, we had a nice little conversation about how the summer is going. He still hasn't found his job yet, but he's working hard at Papa's. Things are going well between him and his gf, so I guess that's good too. I admit that I selfishly somewhat-secretely wish things weren't going well, not because I don't want him to be happy, but because the idea of him with another woman still brings out some color in me. It'll fade eventually...Until then, I just have to remember that it's his life and he is my good friend and I should want what is best for him, not me. Mostly I just kinda miss him and how close we were. But, maybe things are better for me this way, who knows? As it is, Craig is a really great guy, and I'm glad he asked me out. I'm looking forward to getting to know him even better and seeing how things go during the school year. I plan on doing my best to never hurt him. So far so good. He just seems like the kind of guy who would jump through highly elevated spiked hoops of noxious flames to keep from hurting me. That's the kind of guy worth keeping around :)

Forever flicker in close up on the 3D IMAX of my mind

While on my way to MN this weekend, I did something I hadn't done in a very long time--listened to the entire soundtrack of RENT. I had forgotten how much I liked that musical. And I had forgotten how that musical makes me feel. There was a reason why I did not listen to it for a couple years....which should come as no surpise. There are associations with certain songs, the entire musical, and I could not bring myself to listen. But lately I had been humming the tunes in my head at work and I thought that a 4.5 hour drive might be a good time to break the musical silence. The funny thing is, it took me until this weekend while I was feeling introspective to realize what rent meant. There is a song in the musical called "I'll Cover You" and a line in the song says, "I know they meant it when they said you can't buy love, now I know you can rent it. I will lease you on my love." The meaning I took out of it this time, but could not grasp before, is that you cannot own love, you cannot hold on to it...all you can do is rent it for a time. And appreciate that time. ::sigh:: With a thousand sweet kisses...I would have covered him all my life. But all I could do is rent.

Weekend's a comin...and I have yet to pack

Ever fall asleep at 8pm thinking of taking a quick little rest and not wake up til 12am and realize that you haven't packed or done anything to prepare for a weekend out of town? And I didn't make my cupcakes :( Mary's not going to be happy with me. Guess I'll have to do it next week, but then Brian from #6 will be gone and he's the one who keeps bringing up the whole promise to give them some baked goods. I'm GOING to make them sometime this summer. Just a matter of time. Just like it's a matter of time before I pack up so I can leave straight from work tomorrow :P

Disclaimer: No, I am NOT on crack

Tonight I saw Pirates of the Caribbean for the 4th time...yes, the 4th time. Each time I saw it with a different person and it was a different experience. This evening the showing included my friends Shelly and Amy, both of whom I had not seen for a while--especially Shelly. They both thought I was insane for going a fourth time, knowing I have now spent a grand total of...$24 on this movie (it would be $32 but Joe paid for one). Of course, I didn't tell them it was my fourth time til we were sitting down watching the previews. Both turned their heads and looked at me incredulously, saying a bit too loudly, "This is your FOURTH TIME?!" making me feel rather self-conscious, but I stand by my reasons for going again. For one, I wanted to get out of the house and go somewhere. For another, movie popcorn sounded good. And for more, I still don't have some of the lines down and thought it might be nice to work on that ;) Mostly, I just enjoy the movie a lot and I was looking forward to seeing it with two people who haven't seen it and checking out their reactions to it. Especially considering how they totally ripped apart Dungeons and Dragons when we watched my DVD of it...I tried to explain to them that I knew it was fairly lame, but still amusing to watch...but they were very much not impressed. So I was glad to be able to share another movie with them, which to my great satisfaction, they loved :) I'm sure they won't be buying it or running out to see it again, but they really did like it, and that's enough for me.

Afterwards, we chilled at Amy's and looked at her professional pictures from her and Geoff's wedding last August and some other pictures they took on their recent honeymoon in the Dominican Republic--looks like a beautiful place to visit...a lot greener than Aruba. Now it's after 2am, and I have to get up at 5am...bleah...but it was worth it to spend some quality time with good friends. I had best get going though. Later ;)

Poetry in motion...or inbetween motions

Lately while at work I've taken to writing lines of poetry and prose on pieces of scrap paper. It's my poor attempt at making up for all the weeks I've slacked off when it comes to my writing. There's no complete poem or story yet, but I have a pretty good start on a couple things. Speaking of good starts, it seems that Craig and I have a good start on a relationship. As of Sunday evening, I guess he and I are official so I can call him my boyfriend I suppose. Seems rather weird, especially since we've only been dating for a couple weeks and I've known him for a couple months. This last year was all casual dating with no committment whatsoever...but then again, where did that get me? In the words of Incubus, "Nowhere Fast." No idea yet what may come of this development, but thus far he seems like a welcome change from the much more self-absorbed fellows that barely gave me a chance. Or from the ones that have seem to have no clue what they want aside from wanting to screw with your feelings. I think I've had enough of emotional fuckwits--it's time we beat them!!! grrr...dude, Tricia, we so have to work on our blog. I'll see what I can do this week...I tried to start something last weekend and I even had an idea....but somehow the weekend and then a week just all disappeared until it became today and nothing ever got written. ::sigh:: Oh well. I better head to bed...sometimes working 1st shift really sucks...like when I get up at 5am, yeah, that's when it really sucks.

This looked fun

Mr. Tyler Knott has what I believe to be an amusing little blog entry. You must use the song titles of bands you love to answer these questions:

INCUBUS

1. Are you male or female?: "Deep Inside"
2. Describe yourself: "You Will Be a Hot Dancer"
3. How do some people feel about you?: "Nice to Know You"
4. How do you feel about yourself?: "Redefine"
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: "Summer Romance"
6. Where would you rather be?: "Mexico" or "Under My Umbrella"
7. Describe what you want to be: "Stellar"
8. Describe how you live: "Speak Free"
9. Describe how you love: "Circles"
10. Share a few words of wisdom: "Make Yourself"

Personally, I think Incubus's songs work the best for this project. The only difficult one was "male or female"...I did what I could....forgive my graphic choice ;)

DOWN AND ABOVE (dna)

1. Are you male or female?: "Candycane"
2. Describe yourself: "Lost"
3. How do some people feel about you?: "Need"
4. How do you feel about yourself?: "Struggle with the Daylight"
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: "Paint a Picture"
6. Where would you rather be?: "Montana"
7. Describe what you want to be: "Rain"
8. Describe how you live: "Completely"
9. Describe how you love: "Break My Heart"
10. Share a few words of wisdom: "Jubba Trees"

Yeah, it's pretty hard to use dna for this...when they don't have many songs out and some of them have interesting titles...

BLINK 182

1. Are you male or female?: "Peggy Sue"
2. Describe yourself: "Pathetic"
3. How do some people feel about you?: "Aliens Exist"
4. How do you feel about yourself?: "Enthused"
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: "A New Hope"
6. Where would you rather be?: "Going Away to College"
7. Describe what you want to be: "The Rock Show"
8. Describe how you live: "Boring"
9. Describe how you love: "Everytime I Look for You"
10. Share a few words of wisdom: "All the Small Things"

Blink had more choices, and so it worked well I think, though not quite as creative as some of my other ones.

LISA LOEB

1. Are you male or female?: "Lisa Listen"
2. Describe yourself: "Wishing Heart"
3. How do some people feel about you?: "Dance with the Angels"
4. How do you feel about yourself?: "Furious Rose"
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: "Falling in Love"
6. Where would you rather be?: "Garden of Delights"
7. Describe what you want to be: "Firecracker"
8. Describe how you live: "Truthfully"
9. Describe how you love: "When All the Stars Were Falling"
10. Share a few words of wisdom: "Stay"

Lisa Loeb had quite a few choices, problem was that some of these are interchangeable and I had a hard time deciding. I thought maybe I should stop after this one though, cuz more than this would just be silly...and I'm tired. Feel free to try this out too :)

Clarity, my friend, CLARITY

Okay, sorry my last couple posts have been cryptic...but then again, look at the time I wrote them. The one about being a fighter--well, there's not a lot of explanation to go with that one. I was just introspective, thinking about the decisions I've made and the way I act, especially in my interactions with other people. And I was thinking about my past, the last few years that have been so tumultuous. And things I have said...are the same things still worth fighting for? I don't know. Should they be? Maybe some things should be let go. Even so, I know who I am, and how I am and that means understanding that there's some things about me that will not change, even if circumstances do. Oh, I adjust, I adapt, I move on, and I do quite well...but that does not mean I forget. As I said, I'm a fighter, though I may not always show it. When I run into a problem, an obstacle, I just keep at it until I get past it...or really mess up--either way :P Point is, my heart is the same way. It fights for what it wants, no matter how impossible, no matter how much it hurts. Which is of course why I keep going and going. Resilient, Tricia said, and that may be right, at least in that respect. I seem to be able to take a lot of shit :P But I still keep going, keep looking for something. I once had it, I once experienced it. At least I can take heart in that. Whether or not I will ever find what I'm looking for, whether I will ever experience love again...I don't know. It would probably help if I knew where to look--I seem to have problems with that. Will the dating I've been doing in the last couple years get me closer to it? Probably not, but it has shown me where NOT to look..well, okay, maybe I'm still learning, but old habits and feelings die hard. How about things with Craig? Too early to tell. He's a great guy and I'm happy to be hanging out with him and getting to know him better. Nothing official has been said, but we're basically dating. The fact that he's 3 years younger is a little unnerving sometimes, but as I said, he's more mature than guys older than him...and I know age doesn't mean jack. I think there's a connection between us and if I didn't feel something, I wouldn't bother at all, but experience points out a long road ahead and no end to the game in sight.

That brings up my other point to clarify. As for the previous entry about "the game," I was referring to the events of last night. Last night after work, I got together with friends and coworkers Mary and Craig, and Joe joined us as well. Joe was told about the fact I am dating Craig last night on the phone while I was driving home--I don't remember how it got brought up, but I knew I'd have to tell Joe about him eventually anyway. Originally it was supposed to be just Joe and I hanging out last night, but I knew I wouldn't be seeing Mary for a while, so I wanted to chill with her too (plus sometimes hanging out with Joe one-on-one is unnerving). Then after I got home and had plans with Mary and Joe, I called Craig back and found out he wanted to get together too. Well, I figured the more the merrier, plus I'm a fan of interesting group dynamics ;) The four of us met at Caffe Espresso and the real fun began. In a smart move on my part, I drove Craig to Espresso so that I could do some debriefing (well, it wasn't my purpose when I set out, but it worked out well that way). I warned Craig that Joe might give him a bit of the cold shoulder. I tried explaining that he's just not always overly social, especially around other guys. Sure enough, Joe had a good time poking some fun at Craig. Granted, Joe will do that to pretty much anyone, but I know him well enough to see right through to the meaning behind his words. Perhaps it was asking a bit much to put Joe in that position, but then again, I've never hesitated to tell Joe about guys I'm interested in or seeing, and I'm not about to baby him about it. I mean, Joe is a mature guy who's been through a lot, so I know that he'll be fine about this too. I have never in all the time I have known Joe given him any reason to think there will be anything more than a friendship. I have told him point blank that I will not date him. Not that he's asked me, it was more that the topic would be brought up in a round about way now and then. And so, if Joe was feeling at all slighted or jealous, it was not my fault since I have never led him on. But part of me still feels a bit guilty because I know what it is like being in his shoes. Unrequited love is a real pain in the ass. Not that I am making any assumptions and all that--I'm just giving my impression of the situation...I know I'm not a mind reader. Joe is a really good guy and a very thoughtful and wonderful friend, and I hope he remains so. Someday he'll find someone who can appreciate him in a way that I cannot. Before he left last night, I know there was something he wanted to say, and I tried to make him feel comfortable enough to say something...but I understand why he said nothing. Sometimes it's just easier to read the silence. I knew what he meant and he knew what I meant, and that was all that was needed. The next time we hang out, the tension will be all but gone and things can get back to happy normal.

Does that clear things up a bit? Maybe it makes things more confusing. Oh well. On a completely different topic, work was really lame today. Just thought I'd mention that. Now it's time to crash. Gotta get up early tomorrow to make cupcakes....don't ask :P

In the game there are always losers

Yeah, this game, this friggen messed up game of life and love. Things are going alright for me, but things going alright for me mean things aren't going as right for someone else. I won't pretend to be the source of someone's happiness, but I know there may have been some hope...and part of me cries out "That's wrong!" whenever I do anything to hurt that bit of hope. I know it's not my fault, it's just the way the game is played. You can't help who you like anymore than anyone else can help who they like. Life is messed up and follows no guidelines for fair play. All one can do is try to be as fair and truthful as possible...and there are some who refuse to even do that courtesy. I can cushion it all I want, but in the end it still ends up that my happiness means someone else's grief. All of it made worse by the awareness of how it is to be grieved by someone else's happiness. Ah yes, the joy of the game. Play on. Play on.

You gotta fight for your right...

Am I a fighter? I've always thought so, but I wonder...maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just a big pushover about everything. Things don't go my way? Oh well, on to the next thing. Or do I stand up for my "rights?" I guess it depends what the fight is about. I can fight with words (though I'm not always the quickest wit nor the most logical debater) and manage fairly well. I'm definitely not a physical fighter, except maybe a little rough-housing or wrestling in the pool, or a playful whack now and then, but I try to avoid doing any real damage at all costs. The idea of hurting someone else just isn't part of my mental process. Oh, I'd fight hard and dirty if it meant saving someone's life or defending myself. I guess that's part of why I don't fight so often in the figurative sense either. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I tend to be a peace-loving type person. Like Vash the Stampede..."Love and peace! Love and peace!" And I fight for the things I believe in, even if I'm not very proactive. I don't stand for people making fun of others (something learned from my wonderful years in grade school). I chastise the smokers I know or meet (gotta fight lung cancer and second hand smoke crap). I have VERY low tolderance for intolerance (whether from ignorance or blatant bias or hate). And I fight for the people I love. I don't give up on them. Even when they do foolish things or mistreat me or go their separate ways...I still love them and will always fight for them. So maybe I'd get my ass kicked in a wrestling match, be made a fool in an argument, or sadly watch the violence or abuse on tv without going out and fighting for the cause....but there's fighter in me yet--I mean, what do you expect from someone who's roughly 1/3 Irish? And I can always learn to be more aggressive, more adventurous, more passionate. Hang on to your shamrocks cuz I'm a comin out fightin!

That's interesting...very interesting

Had a date last night. It went well. And he likes me. And, as luck would have it, I just might like him too. Strange, hm? I think so. Oh, and thankfully, he doesn't have a messed up name like "Mike" or "Matt" or any others that may not be named. Not sure where this is headed, but then, I never am. The weird part is, I have more confidence in this guy than I have for pretty much any other guy I've met in the last year. And this is just sort of coming out of nowhere. He's supposed to call sometime either today or tomorrow, and we'll probably chill tomorrow evening. The whole thing makes me a little nervous though. And the reason for it isn't what I thought it would be. Let me explain:

Okay, this guy is three years younger than me. He'll be a sophomore in college while I'll be graduating in a semester. So that means he's not 21 and I have a few years of life experience under my belt that he does not. While that does worry me just a little, since I have had to learn a thing or two about relationships and such, it's not that big a concern to me. What is a concern is how similar this whole thing feels. Quite honestly, I haven't experienced something like this since I first started dating Mike. There's the fact that we knew each other a while before going out on a date (granted, only a couple months). There's the fact that he had a bit of a crush on me after hanging out with me a bit. There's the friendly, sarcastic, slightly-insulting, good-humored banter. There's the nervous chatting in the Perkins parking lot. And there's the honesty and openness about thoughts and feelings without fear of embarassment. This guy...he seems so genuine...that it scares me. But...it also takes me back. It makes me feel like I did way back in the summer before freshman year of college. Just so...innocent, carefree, and optimistic. Almost enough to forget about those 4 years inbetween that changed who I am. But all those years haven't REALLY changed me. They may have changed some of my behaviors, some of my outlooks, but I'm STILL the same person I was when I looked wide-eyed at my room in Govenors Hall. The same, I think, cannot be said for Mike. He may SEEM the same sometimes...but he is not. The innocence he had, the honest and genuine face I once looked into and saw pure love reflected back...that is gone. What remains is an emptier shell--someone who feels like he's finally found what he wants in life...when in truth he cannot FEEL enough to really know it anymore. I may not know him as well as I used to, but I understand him well enough to be disappointed in who he has become. I hope to never have to feel that disappointment in someone again.

Anyway, I just had too many thoughts on my mind to hold them in. Tonight is girls night out and time to forget. A pearl to any kindly gentleman that buys me a drink (rum er otherwise ;)

I invoke the right of parley!

I think I've officially met my quota for seeing Pirates of the Caribbean this week. But you know what they say, third time's a charm. Well, actually I think the first time was the best time, but each time let me concentrate on something different and the company was always enjoyable. However, it has crossed my mind that perhaps seeing the same pirate movie three times in six days may be having an effect on me. Check out this email I wrote to me mateys...

Ahoy mateys!
Indigo, arrrg. A fine color she be. I been a-thinkin about those weekends in August ye mentioned afore, and I'm inclinin to agree with ye. The first weekend mightent work best, since I will more'n likely workin 1st shift that week. But be ye warned: any o ye scabberous dogs attempts to commandere (nautical term) me first mate Tricia's futon (or whichever sleeping accommodation is available and most pleasant at Tricia's place--grantin that I be welcome) that weekend will be walkin the plank...with nigh a drop o rum in sight. Savvy? Otherwise, I tell ye I be disinclined to acquiesce to your request.


And remember: The man that did the sleepin be having a drink bought by the man that did the waking, while the man that did the sleepin be listenin to a proposition from the man that did the wakin.
(if that's not right, it's dang close...so it'll do for now, ye land-lover :P)

Oh well, at least Joe paid for one of the tickets, so I only spent an arm and like, a foot, not an arm and a leg. Bleah, theaters are too dang expensive :P But I, like the cod-livered dog I be, cough up the dough every time a flick tickles me fancy. ::sigh:: Whew, it be nigh on 3rd watch...time to be goin. May'n the night bring ye fair winds and sweet dreams.

My mast is bigger than your mast

Guess I'm stuck in the pirate motif for a bit. However, given the absurdly huge amount of comments on the previous entry, I decided it was time to write a NEW entry. Not quite sure what I'm going to write about yet. How about...OH, well, work this week has been weird. Monday I called in sick, cuz I really didn't feel like going to work. Today I went in for 6am-3pm, but spent the whole day at the "taper"...which is exactly as exciting as it sounds. I stood by a machine folding and feeding boxes in one by one to the taper to get--you guessed it--taped shut. Yippee. My heart is still a-flutter from all the adventure. Tomorrow is silly. One of the other summer help employees asked to switch shifts with me, so now I work 3pm-12am tomorrow...only to have to wake up to work at 6am-3pm Thursday. Joy. Sometimes I'm too nice. At least maybe she'd be willing to switch with me sometime then, possibly, if I for some reason would need to switch...which I doubt. But you gotta keep your options open.

What else is new? Not a whole heck of a lot. I hung out with Joe tonight--he made me a nice pasta dinner (I helped) and we went to see Pirates of the Caribbean since he had not seen it. I know, I know. But I'm STILL ready and willing to see it with Tricia this weekend when she comes to GB :) One can never have enough Orlando...or enough rum. Oh, and don't be silly thinking that a hottie is the only reason why I like the movie. In fact, I have to concur with Jenni when she says that Johnny Depp does a fantastic job and his scenes really steal the show. Although, I have to say that Mr. Bloom does well convincing me he can handle a sword, or two. Anyway, I really don't have much else to say at this time. So...move along. Move along.

Orlando, Will you be me matey?

Wow, Pirates of the Caribbean rocked! After the first 20 minutes, I was totally enraptured, ready to fly out and by the DVD as soon as it is released. It may not have a ton of depth, but it just didn't need it! There was action galore! Awesome fighting hotties! And pirates! And a character who was very...Charlotte Doyle like. I felt good watching it and the feeling has stuck with me all night :) And not even running into ex-Mike at the movie theater could stun me. In fact, we chatted a bit while he was waiting for Mahoney and Rachel to show up (they were all going to see POTC for the 9:25 showing) and it was all nice and friendly, and I think I looked pretty good too. Top the night off with Caffe Espresso and some good conversation with my friend Mary from work, and it's just been a good night :) Aye, me mateys, twas a good time spent, and that Orlando Bloom was the finest hottie in these isles!

On a completely different note

I have updated my webpage once more! Now there are not only photos (of which there are more to come...so much to do, so little time) but there are also drawings! Yes, drawings! I am not an artist and will never claim to be one (unless someone pays me to). However! I do like to dabble with sketching now and then when the mood strikes me...luckily for the world, that means maybe once or twice a year.

Another one bites the dust

I hate men. I can't abide them even now and then. Okay, that's not true, apparently I can abide them now and then, which is why I keep getting burned. Mike Z. talked to me online tonight, and when I talked about coming to Madison to visit, we ended up talking about our "relationship"...which led to him being "honest" and telling me that he wants to just be friends. He tried giving it a chance, but he feels something was missing...this being AFTER our fun weekend together. I am SO glad I didn't do anything I'd really regret. Still, it's disappointing. I knew it was a fat chance of anything working out, but I had sort of hoped it might.

Honestly, I am just really sick of this sort of shit. I've been dating fairly casually, from Matt during the school year to Mike Z. this summer, and all it's ended up doing is annoying the hell out of me. Thankfully, my heart has not become much involved, so it's not something I feel like crying over. It's more...the principle of the thing. I can't seem to get past THAT point. There's this point in a budding relationship...I can't cross over. Ever since ex-Mike, it's been failure after failure...any attempt to get over that point crashes and burns...like me trying to land the damn jet on the old Top Gun Nintendo game...stupid aircraft carrier.

::sigh:: Well, my summer has just become all that more boring. But you know what? I've survived before, and I'll survive again. It'd be nice to meet someone who could think of me seriously though. Until that miracle man decides to get up off his ass and meet me though, I think I'm going to try to have some more fabulous times with my friends, organize my room and life, and read some Harry Potter :)

Sorry for the negative tones in this entry, but hey, I can't be all smiles all the time...that would just get obnoxious. Not that my complaing about this guy or that guy doesn't get annoying, but hey, tell that to the stupid guys out there ;) For now, it's time to pop in a soothing movie and try to calm my mind down before bedtime. Later!

Productive and Silly

I stayed up til 5am working on my webpage. Yeah, that's just plain silly. But then, I worked til 12am AND I went out to Perkins afterwards and enjoyed company and 4 cups of coffee...so I'm simply not tired yet. Plus the fact that I haven't worked on my webpage was bothering me. So...check out my webpage by clicking on this wonderful link OR use my brand-spankin new permanent link to my webpage in the left-hand column of this blog :)

A Tree Grows in My Front Yard

And coincidently, a tree grows in my backyard too. Actually there's a couple in the front AND back. A silver maple and a blue spruce in front (ooh, come to think of it, that's a nice color combo...not that they are really "silver" or "blue") and a couple...um, other trees in back. There used to be a crabapple tree in the back too, but we wanted more sunlight back there and we got sick of picking up the crabapples and dealing with the plethora of wasps that buzzed around the myriad little pink blossoms. But that's beside the point.

Tonight I got out of work early so, like any good English major, I spent it watching anime and comedy TV shows. My mother found a copy of the new Harry Potter book to borrow, so I'm sure I could technically swipe it from her at night when I'm done with work and she is sleeping. However, I told myself I would reread books 3 & 4 (or at least skim them) before I started the new book. Problem is...I don't have so much motivation to read books I've already read. Plus, I haven't been in a big Harry Potter mood lately. Frankly, I'd much rather read the next book in the Dark Elf series by R. A. Salvatore...if only it'd be released soon. BUT of course, it's not--I just checked the Wizard product listing and there it is WAAAAAAY down on the list, 7th from the bottom: The Lone Drow to be released in October :P Granted, the last one came out last October, so it's only a year inbetween so it could be much worse. Still, I like his dark elf books so much and Drizzt is pretty much my favorite literary character. This pic is about the best one out there of him. It'd be nice if there was more than one decent pic--the other renditions (pretty much all from bookcovers) just don't seem to coincide with my impressions of him from the novels. They make him look ultra fierce which I do understand, I mean, he's a ranger and a very good swordsman who usually acts fairly stoic, but he does still have emotions and is more than just a sword-wielding, buff-looking dark elf. And, dark elf or not, I tend to think of elves as a bit more delicate than that. Maybe not as delicate as one like Legolas, but he should at least SEEM light enough to run on the snow (something Drizzt does in one of the later novels--can't think of which one offhand...actually it might be Sea of Swords which Bastard Mike has not yet returned to me--anyway, yeah, Drizzt runs on the snow while the rest of his friends trudge through several feet of snow just like Legolas does on Caradhras [had to look up that one] in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring).

You know, at this point, I'm not really sure where I was going with any of this. It could be I was going to talk about my day at work and I merely got sidetracked with an excedingly long introduction and then an explanation. Then again, maybe it was my intention all along, you know, using the wonderful writer's technique of "writing off the subject"--writing about something other than what's on your mind so that really what IS on your mind will probably show through without being as overtly obvious and not-so-exciting as it would if you actually tried writing ON the subject. Or maybe I'm just tired and felt like writing about something other than current events, especially since current events aren't that thrilling to those not involved. Well, there are more things to talk about from the weekend, but I just can't bring myself to write about anything so...obvious, yeah, that's it. Alright, I think I've had enough babbling for one night. Just remember, the chips may run out...but there's always more salsa.

We'll be dancin, and singin, and groovin to the music

Yep, this weekend was a ton o fun :) Though Thursday was quite long, I had a great time dressing up all naughty school girl like and gettin a grove on at Ground Zero. My outfit wasn't quite skanky...more like...rather suggestive. Anyways, the atmosphere was unique but not intimidating and we had a fun time dancing and drinking. I had a bit too much, but at least I didn't end up slung over the toilet--what can I say, I have a "stomach of steel!!!" Friday we watched the fireworks which were a blast--get it? blast! mwa ha ha ha ha! Add in a few movies, yummy food, time with Tricia and Jenny and there's a good weekend :) I'd get into more detail, but I gotta fly. Later ;)

4th Time's a Charm

Holiday weekend starting tomorrow at 4pm :) Working a 10 hour day is going to suck (yet again) tomorrow, but it'll be worth it if it prevented me from working Saturday. Tomorrow after work it's time to hit the road for a weekend adventure in the wilds of MN. Oh, and I mean WILD--not like a hockey team, we're talking...crazy stuff. Okay, probably not that crazy, but perhaps working 10 hours, then driving 5 hours, proceeded by drinking, dancing and dominatrix encountering at the club Ground Zero is a tad insane...but I think I'll survive. As for the rest of the weekend, I figure: No plans + Groovy Friends = Unlimited possibility for good times. And yes, I DID think of that myself :P Have a fun and safe 4th of July!!! And play with sparklers! Sparklers rock!