Home, home in the late 60's ranch-style house

I'm home again in GB, and lemme tell you, it's just a slammin time here, full on excitement jam-packed into every second....yeah....::sigh:: I still have a few things to unload from the van, and the whole basement (my bedroom) to arrange the way I want it. My mom and I went shopping today for some room accessories, but didn't find much, except a nice shower curtain that looks more like just a regular curtain to use as a room divider to split my bedroom part of the room from the entertainment area of the room--I suppose I could argue that they're one in the same ;) but then...I'm living in my parents' basement...it's not exactly a party house. Speaking of, my mom had a great comment at Target today. We were looking at the shower curtains, and there was a set with just the two side valances, not the straight panel hanging down, but the curtains going off to the side, held back by ties so that the bathtub would be framed. I'm sure it would look nice in a bathroom for that purpose, but using it as a room divider, particuarly right next to my bed would be intersting, since it would frame my bed then. My mom laughed at that picture in her mind, "Oh, that would be great, the curtains opening to your bed--Katie's love nest." To which I replied, "Oh yes, of course, because there'll be so much action going on...in my parents' basement...yeah." It was one of those fun mother-daughter moments.

I suppose it will be good being at home, getting closer to my parents. On the other hand, my family will BE my social life here, which is rather depressing. They're just fine, but I'm really missing being able to see my friends whenever I want to. But it's only temporary, just this summer. And once I start working at GB Packaging, I'll be busier, making money, and perhaps even making some new friends. You never know--after all, it's there at GB Packaging that the fateful meeting of my bro Scott and his wife Jennifer occurred. Chances of something like that aren't too good though. Yeah, the other summer help is all college students, but I don't think there are that many of them, and they will be in other departments. The rest of the employees are mostly in their 30's and 40's or so, which doesn't work so well for me. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a few years here and there, but I put the limit at 29 for now. Scotty tested my limits as it was :P I wonder whatever happened to that guy. Eh, fuck if I care.

Speaking of, the other night when I went out with Tricia, I swear my past was coming to play mind tricks with me. But, I did well, "Your mind powers won't work on me, boy." So with the strength of mind of Jabba, but the swave demeanor of Lando and Han, and the stealthy moves of a Jedi, I got a groove on the dance floor of Shenan's, playing it cool around both Devin--that guy who's a science ed. major that I dated for a bit last semester--and Mark--the guy I hung out with on my birthday night. Devin was dancing with some chick, and I didn't see him at all since I was busy dancing with some fun, drunk and crazy guys and Tricia, until I turned around and there he was just a couple feet away. We made eye contact and gave surprised but cordial smiles, and went about having fun. Before that, I noticed Mark with some friends of his hanging out on the dance floor. He didn't notice me for quite a while, though I kept a look out of the corner of my eye once in a while. Eventually, he was near me and we turned and saw each other, and we chatted for a while. I don't think he ever expected (or probably wanted) to see me again after our fairly weird and somewhat embarassing last encounter. But he was nice enough, though he was busy with his friends most of the time. I paid him little mind, enjoying my time with Tricia and some random guys. Tricia and I even climbed up on the box and danced a bit next to some other people. I had always wanted to do that, you know, be on stage a little bit. Unfortunately, it was not one of my better nights and I was probably not that great looking with my hair back in a pontail, soaked to the bone in sweat like everyone else dancing, but it was fun nonetheless and at that point I really didn't care what anyone thought--not because I was drunk (I only had one drink before we even left for the bars) but because I just didn't care. It was a short night out, but I was really glad Tricia made the trip.

To top off the evening, Jenny and I decided to be a bit mischievious, dangerous, and break some rules. Granted, for some people, this would mean stealing one of those big gumball macine or ash cans outside a business, or maybe toilet papering the campus or plastic-wrapping the RA's car. But for Jenny and I, it was climbing out on the roof from the 2nd floor window. We had thought about it a few times, noticing that the window had no screen on it, and the roof was fairly dark so you could hide if necessary. And always seemed like a fun place to hang out and sit for a while. A few days ago, we noticed about 4 people actually sitting on the roof, at 8pm, easy to see and being loud. Not surprisingly, they were kicked off there and a sign was put up in the hall nearby saying "Please do not go out and stand on the roof. And if you know where the window screen is, please return it." We decided that the sign was not specific enough and that sitting on the roof was therefore allowable. After making sure the coast was clear, we daringly opened the window, safeguarded its openness with Jenny's sweatshirt, and took turns climbing through the window and onto the roof. The stones were cold and not so comfortable for my barefeet, but I didn't mind. We took turns posing for various pictures, and then I chickened out when I saw a van driving around the parking lot a ways away. It doesn't help that the RA's room is right across the hall from the windows. What can I say, I'm a wuss, but I WAS the first one through the window AND I suggested taking the pictures. I try. I'm just not that daring...but I'm learning. All in all, it was sadly probably the most "illegal" thing I've done in college. But hey, I WAS a Girl Scout, you know ;)

But you left anyway...

Well, I'm almost all packed up. I just have to do a bunch of cleaning and get my major appliances (like this computer) out of the apt. Man I'm going to miss EC. Jenny and I took random pictures last night of the dorm. Perhaps after they are developed they'll make it onto my website. Anyways, Tricia spontaneously drove here to EC to come hang out last night so we went to Shenan's and did some dancing, but she had to go to bed fairly early since she had to leave by 9am, but I cooked her some eggs in the nest this morning. I can't spend much time working on this blog entry--I have a lot to do yet this morning, and I'm going on 3.5 hours of sleep...but it was worth it. Next time I blog it will be from home ::sigh:: such is the way of things. I suppose I better get going. I'll try to update soon, but I'll be busy in the next 24 hour or so. See you on the flip side ;)

Pack dat ass up

In the last 24 hours I have managed to make my room look shitty once again. No longer do its walls have their wonderfully enticing themes of Aruba, Tinkerbell, Legolas, Dragon Ball Z, and Incubus. No more do multi-colored christmas lights line the border of my bed frame or candles flicker on my dresser to make my room the ulitimate in pimpin quality, ahem, I mean "movie watching" quality. And no longer do my movies, books, and photo albulms cheerfully line my bookshelves. Instead, shoeboxes, file boxes, crates, and suitcases clutter up my room in stacks or shoved as much out of the way as possible. The rest of my belongings are spewed about my futon and desk, waiting to be sorted into boxes or bags of their own. Tomorrow afternoon my parents arrive. Soon afterwards, the boxes and suitcases and lamps will be gone. All that will remain are my computer, stereo and the furniture that goes with the room. By Saturday morning, it will all be gone, and any trace of my having lived here will be no more. For the first time ever, I am truly going to miss Eau Claire.

Here's to a codine-induced oblivion

I walked over to Health Services today.

Take your carpet square and have a seat

Alright girls and boys, it's story time. There once was a young woman who lived with three other young women a pleasant apartment-style dorm on upper campus. Her roommates were nice, and caused her no grief, for which the young woman was very thankful. Everyday, the young woman would jump down from her lofted bed, turn off her alarms, feel her way towards the shower (since she wouldn't have her contacts or glasses on) and start her day. This fine Tuesday is like any other day: some homework, some wasted time online, some food, and chatting with her friends. In fact, nothing at all is unusual or even interesting about the day. The young woman is downright bored. She thinks about her friends and their many adventures in the last week, including a last night out on Water St., a grad party, a bachelorette party, shopping, China Buffet, and even a late night study/girl talk session at Perkins. Her friends make her smile, through and through, reminding her that there are some wonderful things in this world.

And then she thinks about the friend who she has not heard from. It's Tuesday, 9:30pm, and she has not yet received a reply email or a phone call. He said he was getting back to EC from SC on Sunday. Granted, it IS finals week, and he works, and she imagines he has a lot going on right now. But it's another thing entirely to not reply to an email, a voice mail, or pick up the phone. It seems that she just cannot trust a guy. The only ones whom she can deem trustworthy are either her brothers or like brothers to her. The young woman sighs, knowing that things could be much worse. But still, she reflects upon the last tumultous year and a half of her life, feeling very much sick of these games, this stupid dating game and all the misleading words and actions that go along with it. To add some fresh squeezed lemon juice to her already open thoughts, her ex, the emotional fuckwit Mike, IMed her out of the blue last night to wish her luck with her finals. Though the initial contact nearly gave her a heart attack and set her heart pounding with anxiety, she did find herself mildly amused at the idea that he probably did not expect her to reply to his IM. She doubts greatly that he would have expected her to talk so casually and somewhat cordially, even asking a couple questions about his finals and job search. She knows that if she ever was truly his friend, she should be able to show it by still being a friend, however reserved, and she is a little proud of herself for showing herself capable of being mature about the whole messed up situation. Still, she was very happy the conversation did not last long and any unpleasant topics were thus far avoided. The young woman shakes her head at the idea; she would just rather not hear about his new girlfriend and shit like that, especially not now when it seems all the guys she meets turn out to be self-absorbed knobheads.

All the more reason, she rationalizes, why this summer should be devoted to working, spending time with family, writing, keeping in touch with good friends, and organizing her life. The prospect of spending an entire summer not worrying about or wasting time on the dreaded dating gauntlet brings a quiet smile to her lips again, and she breathes out a resigned sigh. She knows her brother is right,"Someday you will find someone...or someone will find you." So she takes a deep breath, straightens up in her chair, and double clicks on the Arcanum icon.

New Journal Order: My Expanded Universe

Okay, I'm ready to link you to my additional site. This webpage will work as a base of operations for various pictures, links, whatever else I feel like putting on it. Right now there's only 1 main page, and a couple other "picture pages," only one of which actually has a picture on it. I plan on expanding on what I have started, to eventually form a well-established website. I spent waaaay too much time working on it tonight (instead of studying or working on my take home test due tomorrow) so I'm going to have to leave it the way it is for at least a day or so. But I'll keep you posted about updates on it.

And yes, Jenny, I promise to blog about something meaningful and "go deeper" next time ;)

::sigh:: the trials never end

Alright, so I have A picture, but not many pictures that would necessitate an entire webpage...or something like that. Tripod has this deal where you have to use their site to put your pictures on for the most part, which means the only picture that will really appear on this site is the one that's already here. Maybe I'll change it remove it occassionally so that I can put up another pic, but for now, it's there to stay. However, I DO have a tripod website, that I CAN put pictures on, that I can link you to. Right now, it's a work in progress, so I'm going to stall on linking you for the time being. I assure you I will get that taken care of fairly shortly (I mean, what else do I have to do during finals week? ;) When will then be now? Soon.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Pictures at last! Pictures at last! Tonight I taught myself how to go to Tripod and get a free membership there so I can have some webspace for files like...pictures! :) As you can see, I'm just a little excited about that :) And as you may also see, I put a head shot of me over in the left column above the links. I couldn't help it. Please forgive the fact that it's really not a very good picture of me, since it's just a cropped version of a pic taken at Renaissance Festival 2002 on one of the fucking hottest days of the year. There I was, with some good friends, dressed in a costume consisting of a full length skirt, long sleeved tunic, and a bodice, walking around outside in 90+ weather with a dew point of about 99%. And this pic was taken at the END of that sweltering day :P But it's one of about 3 pictures I actually have of me in digital form, the other 2 being much, much sadder, if you can believe it. Anyway, this is just the start of a new and improved Graphically enhanced Return of the Journal :)! I hope you enjoy it at least a small portion as much as I do.

If I had a million sea cucumbers...

I find that there a lot of things I would do if I had the time/money/super powers/any motivation whatsoever. For example:

If I didn't have finals next week, and didn't care how much money or time I wasted, I would fly myself down to some tropical region and not leave. My time in Aruba last January for my bro's wedding has me spoiled. Now I HAVE to travel to some place like that again, although next time I think I'll ditch the family and either make it an adventure with friends or perhaps even a romantic rendezvous (of course, it would help if I had a worthy guy to rendezvous with....but let's not get nit-picky).

If I could easily move from location to location, without the annoyances of leases, hauling my belongings, getting/maintaining a job, or the protests of my parents, I would live over in Minneapolis for the summer, move down to Chicago after I graduate in December, stay there for a while and then maybe move out to Boston for a year in preparation for moving to Europe and staying there the next year. All I would really need to be happy then is either to learn the art of "instant transmission" from Goku, get some flu powder from Mrs. Weasley...and a chimney, or figure out how to build a teleportation device so that I could stop home or visit friends in seconds--I can get lonely fast.

If I would take the time to learn how to make my own website, I could finally have real pictures on my blog. Not that I have any really worth all the trouble--sorry no nakey pictures...although, come to think of it, I do have a picture of Tyler and Mahoney's asses thanks to Joe Elmer swiping my camera.

If I had the real inner drive and motivation, I could get some of my writing published. Yeah, I am planning on becoming an English teacher, but I've always planned on being a writer as well. That would work great except that I'm one of the biggest procrastinators I know AND I have a really hard time getting myself to do some things. Heck, I've been trying to motivate myself to write a new blog entry, and it's taken a few days now. ::sigh:: Someday I'll learn.

If I had a million sea cucumbers, that would be so cool :) Does anyone know why a sea cucumber is one of the coolest creatures in the world? Anyone? Anyone? The sea cucumber is by far one of the most kick-ass creatures because it has the ability to spew out some of its internal organs when a predator threatens it, in this way appearing very, very dead and unappetizing. When the threat is gone, the sea cucumber can seal itself back up and regrow those organs, all in the same day. So now you know, and knowing is half the battle ;)

O brave new world That has such people in't

A nice line from The Tempest which I finished reading a couple nights ago. It's too bad that the person who says it, Miranda, is so naive about the world and the people that she sees. I suppose it would be refreshing to have a childlike wonder to the world though. Sometimes I'm able to be that childlike, and other times I feel very weighed down by what I see. There's so much beauty in the world, and so much shit covering it up. One thing of beauty stands out to me today: orange sunrise smoothies.

Orange Sunrise smoothies--a wonderful, delicious balance of orange, strawberry, banana and pineapple (and an added "immune booster" to try to help me get rid of this annoying cold). They're so simple, yet so full of healthy and tasty goodness one cannot help but be amazed by the different mixes of flavor at every slurp of the straw. I was not the only one today to be facinated with this fruity concoction. While in the Center for International Education office inquiring about the lack of forthcoming information about my student teaching in London next semester, both of the ladies in the office asked me what it was I was drinking. I told them, "Number 15 at the smoothie place in Davies" like I was telling them where to find the end of the rainbow. They pondered my words for a moment before asking, "What's in it? Is it one of the yogurt ones or juice ones?" I leaned in closer and said quietly "Neither" and before they could fully register their amazement I continued, explaining "It's one of the orange ones. They use orange sherbert and orange juice instead of yogurt or just juice." Their eyes begged me to tell them more, so I tantalized their tastebuds with details, "It also has strawberries, bananas, and....some pineapple." The ladies nodded in assent, acknowledging the quality of this smoothie. It would not surprise me if I walked by their office later and found them both sucking down an orange smoothie, perhaps even a...number 15. Oh, the world is a beautiful place. And my smoothie is gone...

And now for a few quick news briefs (...or boxers, depending on preference):

*Went to see X-Men 2 with my friend Heidi on Saturday--well worth the $7.50 and the long wait in line standing next to groups of sweaty, hormonally challenged teenagers.

*Today is May 5th, and Oliver turns 6 years old...it seems only yesterday I was holding him in one hand and feeding him with an eyedropper...::maternal sigh::

*I have the sniffles--I blame my roommates LeeAnn and Miranda, and also the half hour walk back to the apartment from Water St. Friday night (yeah, so it was my fault I was wearing slinky, not warm clothes, and was all sweaty from dancing :P )

*I still hate emotional fuckwits

*I bought fun new underwear at VS--I really like the new spring colors :)

*This is my last week of classes...and that means pretty much forever, though I still have student teaching, seminars, and I'll be spending my entire career in class...

*Lately I've been playing Arcanum, a pretty cool RPG that I just bought this weekend. It's taking me a while to get used to the game play, but I'm figuring it out and enjoying a new challenge. Beats dealing with emotional fuckwits any day ;)

As a follow up to my recent blog entry describing the top ten signs of a true "nice guy," I bring to you a new list, perhaps even more useful for trying to survive in a world where men and women must coexist. For reference, I'm using the term "emotional fuckwit" (as taken from Bridget Jones's Diary) in the sense of "someone who is not really sure of their feelings or what they want, and they extend that to messing with your life, one minute being the man/woman of your dreams and the next someone who makes living sanely, impossible." For this list and for basically all of my references to the term "emotional fuckwit," I am referring to a male, though I do recognize the fact that there are indeed many women who could fit that definition as well. Here it is:

Top Ten Attributes of an Emotional Fuckwit

10. Does not call when he says he will call. (This could also include not returning calls or emails in a timely manner).

9. Is fond of saying "Bros before hos" even in your presense.

8. Is not in the least bit covert when checking out other women in your presense.

7. Frequently spends money frivolously on himself while giving you the bear minimum or less (Hypothetical example: For himself: $100 worth of miniatures that he uses for perhaps a month or so, before setting them aside after buying a whole new set of miniatures. For you: No birthday present, no anniversary dinner, no flowers for Valentine's Day, and a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail for Christmas bought on the day before Christmas Eve with you there in present company, and gives it to you the next day still in the bag with the reciept.)

6. Refuses to go to or attend any major functions with you that would imply you two as a couple (Hypothetical examples: weddings, family reuninons, formal dances, etc.)

5. Idea of a date is watching him do something he wants to do.

4. Really "wants to be with you" but [insert excuse here, hypothetical examples: long distance, too busy with school/work/hobbie/career/family, needs more life experiences before settling down, mixed feelings, not over ex, etc.] makes it too difficult to be in a relationship right now.

3. Is willing to "fool around" or be "friends with benefits"

2. When he is down on his luck with dating and you are unavailabe/attached/being happy single, he somehow manages to make himself VERY available and willing to be good friends (see attribute #3)

1. Has a pattern of dating and dumping the same person over and over again.

Now, I'm not really sure of the hierarchy with these items listed. And it may take a combination of these factors to make him a TRUE emotional fuckwit. But if the guy has more than one of these attributes, especially the top 4...beware, beware. There's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I gotta tell you, I'm pretty damn shameful by that account. Of course, there's also that other saying that Tricia refers to in her Boys are Dumb Dissertation, which I suggest you read sometime if you get the chance--sorry, can't link you to it--"Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." Personally, I think the person that came up with that idea was on crack, that or they were never dumped before. Granted, my experiences have taught me a lot about life and love and shit, but I could really do without a lot of the shit. I can blame the guys all I want, but then, that's discounting the fact that I keep putting myself in the situations. Sometimes, I'm too darn trusting or idealistic, always trying to think the best of someone, or at least that there is such thing as true love and that I have seen and felt it. I still do think it exists...somehow. ::sigh:: oh well. I guess what I'm trying to say is: if any guy has these characteristics, keep your eyes open--at that point, you can choose to take the risk or not to--if you do, and you lose... at least you'll see it coming. Like any good Girl Scout, I intend to "Be Prepared."

Breaking the norm, Breaking the norm!

Today I decided I'd break the norm by doing one of these prescribed blog entries from Friday Five. Soemtimes they're...not so good and are as interesting as staring at a piece of wallpaper. This one's not too shabby:

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.
Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You"--I can't help it. As lame as it is, when I hear it I just want to belt it out at the top of my lungs.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.
"Without You" from the musical RENT and U2's "With or Without You"...they both have to do with....yeah....

3. Name three songs that turn you on.
that song..."Girl I Wanna Make You Sweat".....okay, I"m not sure if really turns me on, but it does sort of gross me out.
I can't really say that any song particularly turns me on. Unless you count songs that happen to be playing when something else turns me on...cuz then it could be everything from Big Band to techno ;) ....::sigh::

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.
B-52's "Love Shack"
Jimmy Eat World "The Middle"
Queen "Bohemian Rhapsody"
Sum 41 "In Too Deep"
....I could name many more, but these are a few of the top ones I play when I want to feel good :)

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
Otis Redding "Sittin on the Dock of the Bay"
System of a Down "Chop Suey"
Incubus "Drive"
Linkin Park "In the End"
and as of late: Saliva "Rest In Pieces" has been in my head for at least part of the day almost every day--tis a good song.

There are many other songs I wish that could be on this list, ones that seem to be part of who I am--old and new--but did not come immediately to mind, like:
Dee Lite "Groove is in the Heart"
Jason Mraz "The Remedy"
Green Day "Brain Stew" and actually a lot of other Green Day songs
many songs by Blink 182, like "Adam's Song" and "Dammit"
Simple Plan "Addicted"
Benny Goodman "Sing, Sing, Sing"
Gloria Gaynor "I Will Survive"
....and many many others....I could go on and on, but since it's probably of more interest to me than any of you, I'll stop now. Have a great weekend :)

As a part of Emotional Fuckwits Awareness Week, I bring you:

Top Ten Attributes of a True "Nice Guy"

10. Helps out in the commuinity.
9. Good to the environment.
8. Remembers others' birthdays, anniversarries, special occasions.
7. Tries to spends less on himself than on others.
6. Gentle and friendly with animals
5. Kind with strangers.
4. Has a few good close friends.
3. Takes time for his family.
2. Keeps his word to the best of his ability.
1. Speaks and listens earnestly.

Ordinary World

A hum-drum Tuesday, with not much to say about it. I had a paper due today, so I stayed up til 8:50am working on it, took a short nap and handed it in for my 11am class. I know, I know, not the smartest move, but it was really some boring-ass writing that I had to do and it took me forever to get in the mood to actually write it. So I'm going on about 45 min of sleep, but I actually feel pretty good, aside from the sensation that my eyes are glazing over, coat by cloudy coat, with every passing minute. It probably doesn't help that I'm wearing my contacts. ::sigh:: Anyway, only one more class before naptime, so I can't complain too much. I got the paper in, got the fax I was expecting, had a smoothie, and replied to a really nice short/sweet email I got from Matt this morning. Yep, I'm still talking and hanging out with that guy I mentioned a few posts ago, when I was all tense about going to lunch with him considering my feelings for emotional-fuckwit-Mike. At the risk of sounding lame (not unusual, I know), I will tell you a few thoughts about him. Matt's really quite a nice guy and has made a point of emailing, calling, and making plans with me for the last couple weeks. Strange how something so random as me blurting out "Anyone want to go to V-ball?" at a group meeting can have an effect. I'm hoping to hang out with him sometime this week, but with his busy schedule with coaching, playing soccer, doing the class thing, family and now that he started a new job at Kohl's, it might be a challenge. But then again, I'm up for a challenge ;) I'm rather enjoying this game of chase that is on. I'm both consciously and unconsciously being pretty cautious about the whole thing. Last thing I need right now is another emotional fuckwit in my life, and though he has not yet proven to be one nor does he show signs of one, I know first hand just how tricky and sneaky those emotional fuckwits are about showing themselves in seemingly normal guys. For now, he's fun to hang out with and he has some potential. We're just very casually seeing each other, and that's good. I'm still focussing elsewhere in my life, trying to get my academics, hobbies, health and whatnot all together. Speaking of academics, better jet to class. See ya ;)

Guess what kids--it's time for another edition of:
Katie's Random Advice Post (KRAP)!

Today's KRAP is brought to you by the letters F, U, and C, and by the greek symbol kappa or K.

As brought on by recent events and a discussion with a close friend, I have come to the realization that I give the middle finger quite often. Now, I know most people will admit to flipping the occasional bird here and there, but there comes a point when it becomes more than just a symbolic representation of the phrase "Fuck you!"--when it becomes...an addiction. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am addicted to flicking off. The following blog entry is dedicated to finding the source and then perhaps figuring out the cure for this addiction--remember, this may one day save you or your friend from this debilitating problem.

Tracing back the origins of this "problem," I find that much of this phenomenon relates to my childhood. Some sources (like...myself) might claim that I was born into this addiction--due to being really pissed off at the doctors from ripping me from my warm secure home and throwing me into this cold cruel world for which I duly showed the doctors and nurses that I was a fast learner and already knew how to count to one...ooOoo. How precious. However, it is ever more likely that my brothers, in particular my brother Scott, who first introduced me to this life-affecting habit.

Yes, my own older brother, 5+ years my senior, corrupted his sweet and innocent little sister. Aside from the choice words my parents (especially my dad) would spout out in frustration or anger now and then, my brothers' language most effectively influenced my own. It is due to him that I sometimes say "No." to questions or questions that are thinly veiled commands in a cocky, I-want-to-annoy-you manner with a smirk.
Example:
Mom: Katie, do you want to mop the floor for me?
Me: No.
Mom: (gives me a look)
Me: (smirks)
Mom: (sighs) Katie, mop the floor.
Me: Oh, okay. (smirking even bigger)

Incidentally, Scott was also the one who would encourage me to watch funny and asinine shows with him like Beavis and Butthead from which I learned the art of talking like either of the characters: "huh huh, huh, huh, huh huh", "Woooah," "That was cool," "He said hole...huh huh, huh huh, huh, huh, huh huh" courtesy of Butthead AND "Heh heh, heh, heh, heh heh," "That sucks!", "I am the great Cornholio. I need TP for my bunghole. Bunghole. Bungholiooooo....Are you threatening me?!"and of course the expression "Yeeeeeah"--which is still an essential element of my everyday speech--thanks to Beavis. By the way, if you check out that link, I suggest looking at the memorable quotes link....Why? cuz it’s cool, dammit. Don’t make me come over there. huh, huh, huh huh, huh huh. Anyways, as you may guess, some wonderful expressions came out of that show.

Now, back to the task at hand—finding the source to my flipping off addiction. Aside from exposing me to shows that dealt with such issues as the middle finger, my brother was prone to showing me his middle finger on many occasions, some of which were not very practical, like when my parents were nearby and I couldn't retaliate. But in truth, my brother was just the beginning of my problems. The next biggest influence was...high school.

In such an institution of higher learning, a Catholic high school at that, I became acquainted with a variety of students, a few of which developed into good friends. This circle of friends had a range of impurities, going from the infrequent slipping in of swear words to swear words making up half their vocabulary. I wonder who had the most impact on me? Hmmmmmm. Fuck if I know. Moving on, it was those friends that were a year older than me, who tried to act like bad-asses that caught my attention early in high school. I mean, what's cooler than driving around GB with the windows down on a sunny afternoon and yelling things at passers by? I can't think of anything. If I had to choose anyone who truly and specifically influenced this trigger finger, it'd have to be my guy friends.

My guy friends have a tendency to say whatever comes to their minds, whether it be a sick joke, an insult, a rip, or any stupid-ass commentary. Part of this tendency is to flip off anyone and anything, especially in retaliation for a rip for which they couldn’t think of a better retort. Sometimes there didn't even have to be a person involved--they could give their computer the finger, flip the bird to a passing car, flick off a flock of fucking annoying birds...there was no end to their flipping frenzy. Some of this behavior was bound to rub off on me eventually.

And then there is the current situation. I actually take great joy in seeing the middle finger cast about in pop culture, from the wonderful scene in Bring It On where the guy takes being given the finger in stride by pretending to grab it in midair (like a blown kiss), puts the imaginary gift in his pocket, and says “Thanks”....to the kid named Craig in South Park who constantly gives the finger for no reason at all. Yes, I enjoy giving people the finger with no explanation—they can be telling me a story or just sitting there doing their homework, and I’ll flip ‘em the bird. (Warning: Only attempt this with close friends who have a sense of humor and will not royally kick your ass for flipping them off). Not only have I taken on the fancy for flicking off; I have sought to convert others to this honor-fucking-able pastime.

Yes, even poor Jenny, who at first was somewhat surprised by the frequent bird watching, has become immune to the effects of the middle finger. She is no longer phased when I randomly flip her off in the middle of a conversation or give the finger to a light post. She even has urges to give the finger herself, but she has yet to fall to such murky depths as I have succumbed...but I fear her fall is inevitable.

So what can be done to stop this phenonema from spreading? There have been several efforts made, but none were successful. Feel free to try them if you like—perhaps they will work for you:
*Wearing mittens—I would still hold up my hand in the giving the finger manner and, rather than being disappointed by the mittened effect, reveled in the idea that it was a mystery as to whether I was REALLY giving the finger, or was I just pretending....hmmmm...
*Suppressing the urge—the will of the finger is just too strong...It’s like Prince Xizor’s observation about Darth Vader; he cannot be beaten by a direct assault.
*Being reprimanded by others—it works to an extent, but eventually the shock value wears off and those people resign themselves to receiving the bird.
*Taping fingers together—actually I’ve never tried it, but I’m sure it wouldn’t work either—I would just come up with another offensive gesture, like raising my fist while slapping that same arm: ”Hail President Scroob!”.
*Slapping oneself every time the finger is given—either I don’t slap myself hard enough, or maybe I’m slightly masochistic.....they say education majors ARE masochistic, so that could be...

Perhaps one or more of these methods will work for you, but none so far have done me much good. It could be that I’m destined to live my life spreading this star-crossed symbol to all those I encounter. Or it could be that I’m just immature and I like being that way. Who knows?

My advice to anyone who has the same symptoms of being a habitual finger-flicker: Use your flipping off skills wisely. You never know when you might need that finger for a dumb-ass driver, a computer virus, a birthday present, or any other special occasion. So keep that finger well toned and in shape. There’s a reason why that finger towers over the rest of the fingers of the hands...it’s longer. So flip off with pride!! (But you may want to avoid flipping off your parents and professors...unless their backs are turned ;)

Picture pages, picture pages...

mwa ha ha ha ha! I have a picture on my website! for the first time!!! :)

Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?


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"Good idear Lord!"

Let me blow ya mind

Aight, probably not going to be any mind-blowing entries coming up immediately, HOWEVER, a new edition of KRAP is now in the making. I've had to wait until my mood improved so I could give this entry the time, attention, and idiotic humor it deserves. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to finish it today/tonight, but I'll be sure to reveal my latest bits of wisdom in the next couple days. Until then, amuse yourself with...this. For now though I have to get ready for class and all that jazz. Later :)

Ain't no mountain high enough

No, this is not about how I'm willing to do anything to get to someone. Well it is actually, I'm willing to anything to get to me. Time to kick the ass of some obstacles and get them the hell out of my way ;) I've put off refocussing my life for far too long. It's time to not only implement those resolutions; it's time to make a shift in my perspective. Late last night, I wrote a song/poem that I really like and holds this sort of theme. Though I know I'm sometimes lazy and love to make resolutions that I rarely follow through with, I resolve to change the focus of my life from finding/enjoying true love/romance to making myself a better person--striving to be the best person I can. That doesn't just mean being healthy and not getting down on myself; I mean reaching out to others, not thinking too selfishly, and doing something with my life that makes a positive difference in the world. No, I'm not going to run out and join the Peace Corps or leading the next anti-war/passifist protest...I was thinking more along the lines of making sure I end up as a good teacher, perhaps even in a difficult school, doing some more volunteer work like the stuff I've been doing with Par-te Rec in EC, and giving myself a voice through actually doing some of that writing I've been talking about for the last few years AND getting it published. And being a good friend and a good daughter, sister, sister-in-law, granddaughter, cousin, etc. There's a long way to go towards reform, but I'm making my first steps.

This thing with Mike may have hurt me, and I did feel really horrible when I woke up this morning, but the truth is, it's not his fault. He may have been looking out for his own interests, but I really can't blame him, especially when we were just "friends" and it was me who started falling back in love with him. I knew all along that he would eventually find someone and he would date and maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn't, but that someday I would no longer be THE woman in his life. I can't talk to him now, and plan on avoiding talking to his friends as well. I just need some distance. I'm not sure if I can ever truly be his friend while he's dating someone else...maybe eventually, but not for a while. He's a good guy, but it appears he is not the one. I'm not sure if there really is a "one" out there--this isn't The Matrix (sequel in May!!! YAY!!!!!!)--and whether there is or isn't, I know that I will someday find someone who will care as deeply about me as I do him. But knowing that, having that distant dream, is not going to be what drives me. When I make it the focus of my life, I run into trouble, and I've taken too much damage already from that practice. I will follow my new focus of self-actualization, work towards that higher echelon. I know I say that every time things get fucked up in my life...and maybe it shows I'm a slow learner :P But I have to keep trying, and maybe eventually I will get it right. Wish me luck!

JUST FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!


FUCK!!!!!!

I feel like I'm going to be sick. wretched, horrible, disgusting, pathetic, teerrible, just.....awful hurt, sick.....fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck......fuck fuck fuck....Mike is seeing someone, which is why he's been avoiding talking to me. I knew it, I fucking knew it. I shoul be happy, I should be like, oh, well, he's wanted this for a long time, now he's got it, he can see other people, get it out of his system and then realize how awesome I am. Yeah, right.... what a dreamer... He's seeing someone. I'm a real bonafied ex now. with no return in sight. though I know it has always been a possibility, the reality hits me and I have no other reality other than knowing my heart is broken again. And I saw her, I saw the girl at Espresso...that was her...I iddn't know it, I guessed it, but didn't truly believe it. And now I know, and I feel I'm going to be sick. I let myself falll in love with him again, dared to dream again, becuase I never stopped loving him, I always thought we were destined. And now...yeah, I know that I've been seeing other people but I never had to deal with this before...not since last January, and I'm taking it as badly now...worse actually. I want out of here, out. I don'tw ant to be here this summer. I want out out out out. oh god let me out. I'm scared, I'm sick, I feel betrayed, I feel pathetic, I feel used, I feel stupid, I feel so hopeless. I can't imagine sleeping tonight. I want out of here, I need to do something, I just can't....oh god this sucks so bad....this is so bad...so bad...I can't stop crying, I want out....soemone, get me out of here...

We've Got Big Balls

It's Saturday night, and Jenny, Erin, Lance, Trica and I are dresed up and ready to get down at Viennese Ball in EC. The biggest annual event in EC, V-ball has been the cause of much fun...and much stress, but here it is--just started at this very moment. Of course, everyone else is running behind, so Jenny and I have to wait it out while our premature make up and hair wilts and our anxiety for this trumped up occasion increases. I'm hoping that everyone will have a blast, and I'm sure we will, though we're down a couple menfolk who might have made for some interesting dynamics, but it's probably for the best. Us girls (and Lance) will shake it down on the dance floor with polka, waltz, swing, and whatever else we decide to make up. I suppose I had better put my dress on :P I'll let you know how much it rocks when it's all over with. See ya ;)

Fear and Lunching in EC

How can a young woman, who has gone through the dating gauntlet, been crushed a couple times, and come through relatively sane be so afraid and nervous of a little outing for lunch? I'm not nervous about impressing him, not nervous that he won't like me, not even nervous that he won't want to hang out with me ever again. In fact, none of that really concerns me at all. Yeah, he's good looking and I wouldn't mind hanging out with him sometimes and getting to know him (since I scarecly know him now). BUT, it actually will phase me very little if he doesn't want anything to do with me ever again or if he just wants to be friends, or what not. One would think I'd be like, hm, I gotta make a good impression and snag this fellow and all that jazz. And maybe I would feel that way if I knew him better (or maybe not). So, given that, why am I so nervous and downright scared? One word: Mike. I am downright scared that I am going to fuck things up. All along, Mike and I have had this understanding that we have no expectations of each other, no commitments, and no restrictions. That hasn't really bothered me at all. He checks out, hits on, and hangs out with other girls. Meanwhile, I check out, hit on and hang out with other guys. So what's the big deal then? Let me tell you...I don't know. I think it has to do with the fact that since Mike and I have become so close, I haven't had any interests in other guys other than very casual encounters on nights out. And he hasn't really had much going on with girls. All this time, I've been preparing myself for the inevitable day he tells me he's going on a date with some chick. I've been preparing myself so much for his dating other girls that it hasn't even occurred to me what I would do if some guy were to show interest in me.

Now, don't jump to conclusions here. Going to lunch with Matt is really very innocent and friendly--as I said, I barely know him. I'm not even trying to infer that something is going to happen with him, in fact very likely, nothing at all will. And as I said, that doesn't bother me at all. The thing is, this unexpected development has awakened me to this possible dilemna: How can I date other guys while I am admittedly in love with Mike? Answer: I have no fucking idea. Somehow I have to do it though. There's really no way around it, other than to make myself completely inaccessible to other guys, and I'm much too big of a flirt to do that ;) Oh, not like I'm saying I'm irresistable...quite a many guys could give a rat's ass if I exist or not. So it's not as though I am going to have to make much of a choice here. But now I'm actually thinking of the possibility of a choice, and my confusion is mind-boggling. I have no idea what I would do if some guy were to ask me out. I know for sure I'd have to wait a good while to make such a decision. I guess my complete confusion caught me offguard. I thought I could handle all this, considering my past experiences. But for some reason, this feels different. I almost feel like I'd be cheating on Mike by going out with another guy, even though that is completely irrational. If Mike were to date someone else, he wouldn't be cheating on me, in fact, I would encourage it, since I think he really needs that experience in order to gain some understanding and perspective. And on the other hand, I don't want to pass up on an opportunity that may come along--I mean, it may be possible that there is someone else out there for me, so why sit around waiting for something that very well may never happen when I could have happiness and love in a new and different place? Still, the mixed up feelings persist in me, to the point that I am nervous of the chance of things happening where I would be put in such a position. I honestly don't think I will anytime soon, but it still unnerves me. I am not a fan of this feeling of fucked-up-ness....like, I'm totally screwed if I do this, and totally screwed if I do that. There's no happy medium here. Eventually, I will have to make a decision, and that idea scares me...a lot. Dating another guy would be like saying I am giving up on a dream I have of something I think is true and wonderful. Maybe I will have to do that eventually. But I don't want it it be soon....I'm not ready for it to be soon. I'm just not ready at all. The thing is too, how would it affect our friendship? All other feelings aside, he's a good friend and I want to hang out with him and have him as part of my life. What happens when one or both of us are dating another person? Will we still want to see each other? Would that be possible? I hope so...but I have no way of knowing. And it certainly does not help that...ugh, being with Mike is too damn nice. I'm sure he's not nearly so mixed up in his mind. I mean, yeah, he probably has some sort of feelings for me, but I know he certainly would not even THINK of passing up the chance to date some other girl, especially if she was cute. And I also know that he will not ask me back out until he is sure of his feelings...which wouldn't be until after he dated other girls, and lots of time passed, and that is of course if he doesn't fall for someone else which is very much possible....so it very well may never ever happen. And I know this, knew this...and understand it too. ::sigh:: I knew that things would be complicated, but I never realized the depth of it all. Oh please, give me strength and wisdom. I think I'm going to need it in the next few months.

okay, well, it was an attempt at putting up a picture. don't be discouraged--it'll get worked out eventually.

My first picture!

Alright, granted this is sort of cheating by having Jenny do all the dirty work for me, but here's a picture just for you anyway! I was inspired my Jenny's fantastic depiction of her vball dress, so I decided to induldge my own urge to display my lack of artistic talent for all the world to see. Just imagine if I actually drew this with paper and pencil! Of course, it's hard to get the effect of the dress by my pointing and clicking and dragging color all over the place and calling it a picture, but you can get a rough idea. Those little black dots on the dress are stars of varying size, with little bits of silver glitter highlighting the stars a little so they sparkle. The dress itself has multiple layers-one a slip with tule at the bottom to make it slightly poofy, another layer to cover that up, and the top layer is sheer and has those little stars and sparkles on it. It's unique and cute--just like me ;) Wish you could see it in person--maybe we'll take some good pics and post them after vball. You never know ;)

Something tells me class is going to be hella boring

Yeah, I'm down the hill, wasting time on lower campus when I'd MUCH rather be sleeping. Of course it's my own fault that I didn't get a full night's rest, and I have no problem with the fact that I stayed up til 7am working on papers that should have been done hours beforehand. No, that was actually worth it. I didn't feel that bad at all writing til late last night, and though I woke up feeling grumpy, the rest of my day hasn't gone too badly. It's just that at this point in my day, I'm usually fairly unexcited about my evening class, and with little sleep and less patience, I'm even more NOT excited to go to class. Discussion isn't bad, in fact, I often enjoy class discussions. However, there comes a point when a three-hour long discussion about topics I only half-heartedly feel like talking about becomes tedious, pointless, long...and boring. Even when the subjects are thought-provoking and informative, such as a discussion of culture clashing, like in the case of Hmong traditions and Western medicine in the case of epilepsy, my attention is only held for so long before my mind starts turning in on itself. Ususally it's about halfway through the class, when we are able to have a 5-10 min break to use the facilities, grab a drink or snack from the vending machine, and eventually wander back to the classroom. Right about then, I'm set to leave. Sitting down again, knowing that there's another 1.5 hours to go is almost excruciatingly painful--and not even just because of the mental meltdown, but it is also physically bothersome to sit in the same cramped room on uncomfortable shares and try to seem attentive after already having 2 classes and either reading, writing, or typing between 11-6pm. Oh, I know, poor baby...I work, I work out, I am involved in a gazillion clubs, go spelunking and what not, yes, I realize that for the most part I'm whimp who just one long day a week. But you know, one long day is quite enough. If my entired week was like this, I'm sure I'd get used to it. Having one day, just makes me despise that one day. I used to like Tuesdays, but now....they annoy me. And I blame it on FED 385, a human relations course. Yes, out of all my classes, the one that is supposed to make me more tolerant, thoughful, and informed about human cultures has me wanting to shut up my classmates and get the fudge out of there. Even CI 317 seems more acceptible, though it is infinitely less meaningful than FED 385. Why? Because that class is only an hour and 50 minutes, with a 10 min break in the middle.

::sigh:: Sorry for the cynicism. I'll get over it once I get some food, get the heck out of class, and then get some sleep. So yeah, that's about it for now. My rant for the day is done, and now it's time to get some food in my belly! ;)

Something tells me I'm into something good...

I don't know why, but I just feel good right now. I think it's mostly due to the coffee and sugar that is flowing through me, but I'd like to think there's more to it than that. Lately I just feel...productive. Not in the sense of getting school or work done, heck no :P But in (what I think is more important) he sense that I'm making connections. For a while there, I felt out of touch with some of my friends, but in the last few days, I've been reaching out to more people, or at least accepting more people into my consciousness. Best friends are super awesome, but I know I was neglecting some of my other good and worthy friends, who have important parts in my life. Oh, I'm far from the perfect friend, always there to help and talk to and all that jazz. Sometimes I'm downright self-absorbed. But right now, at this moment, I feel really good about my friends. I love having a variety of people in my life, all with unique personalities and wonderfully different qualities. Every one of them has something special to offer, though they may not see it. Sometimes I wish I was more appreciative of that fact, or at least showed my appreciation better. These friends with these unique qualities are more important to me than any paper :P Just look at this list of these fantastic qualities they bring into my life to share!

*faith in God
*faith in me as a friend
*adventure...climbing, biking, walking, hiking, camping, driving, dancing, burning stuff...like marshmallows or candles, swimming, gaming, etc.
*good cooking
*spontaneous visits
*jokes and humor in places and ways I never expected
*smiles
*shopping partners
*helpers in time of crisis
*being able to withstand hearing the word "Mike" over and over again
*new music, new movies, new shows, new obsessions (like DBZ ;)
*various forms of expression--from flicking off to "yeppers" to interpretive dance at 3am
*fellow movie quoters
*loyalty
*much needed kicks in the ass
*encouragement
*new ways of looking at the world
*helping to keep me grounded
*helping to keep me soaring

...There's just so many things my friends to for me without even knowing it. I'm so indebted to them, and I rarely show it. Even those friends I don't talk to every day, don't see every month....they positively influence my life, and they deserve more than I give them credit for. It's impossible to keep all close friendships, when lives drift apart, when life happens. But even those friends that have drifted away...they're friends, and will stay that way in my mind. Unless they piss me off somehow, then I might just call them bitches and forget 'em ;) But it's a rare occassion indeed when I say "bitch" and mean it. So, thank you friends, you kick ass and make me feel like I might just be able to kick some ass in life :) Here's to you!

Get Busy!

Been a while since I updated--sorry about that. I've been slacking off I guess. Tonight I have to work on a couple papers--I plan on getting one done tonight, and the other done by tomorrow night. Neither is really that hard--I don't even need any secondary sources for either. And they're only 5 and 3 pages respectively. Compared to previous semesters, this is cake ;) Anyway, nothing new going on here. Thursday I went to see About Schmidt with Lars at the theater in the mall. At the time I wasn't really in the mood to venture out into the cold and ice, but the movie was thoughtful and it was nice to hang out with Lars for a change of pace. Friday was dinner/breakfast at 11pm with Jenny, with Maverick to follow--I love that movie :) And last night was night out with the girls on Water St. It took us a while to get out, but once we did, it was good times had by all. We were all disappointed that the stupid bars decided that because of Daylight Savings Time they would close at "1am" instead of 2am, even though the time is not supposed to change until 2am--very lame. Dancing was fun, and there was even a fairly cool guy there named Travis who, though short, was not short on wit. We didn't exchange numbers or anything, but he wouldn't be a bad guy to hang out with if I ever ran into him again. It was refreshing for me to dance with a guy who didn't take things seriously and could just kid around while flirting. I'm a sucker for goofballs, what can I say ;)

Not too much else to say for the time being. V-ball is coming up on Saturday and we have an extra ticket since Will can't come. Since we can't figure out who else would want to come and CAN come, we're probably going to sell it soon. We should have no problem getting rid of it. It's a little disappointing though that we're going to sell it after all the trouble with trying to get more tickets :P Oh well, such is life. Time to work on this paper :P Later!

Boredom Alleviation Continues...

Now where was I....Oh yes, I gave Chuck a ride back to their apartment. Due to his inebriation (and to his typical behavior) he babbled on about all sorts of things while driving, most of which didn't make a lot of sense. Once we got to the apt, Mike broke out his new game Freelancer on his computer, Chuck played annoyingly sappy music and old Looney Toons on his computer while chatting online, and I picked up Mike's guitar and played the one song I sort of know how to play--Bush "Glycerine." In the midst of this, Chuck had a fit because Mike bought cookies at the mall and gave one to me and ate one himself, but offered none to Chuck. At first glance, that might seem rude, but considering that Chuck has a condition with his stomach that prevents him from being able to eat wheat products unless he wants to have some serious health troubles, it's not so rude. The bottle of wine convinced Chuck, however, that he would like nothing better than a cookie, despite the fact he would become seriously ill, and he was willing to be REALLY obnoxious to get one. Mike ALMOST gave in by giving him a little piece, but then Chuck got too obnoxious and there was no way Mike was going to give in. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold Chuck back, and then Mike leaves the room for a min, Chuck sees the bag of cookies unattended and goes for them. Of course, that leaves me there to defend Chuck's life by wrenching those cookies from his hands, which I did. Then I took them to the other room and hid them behind the couch while he was otherwise occuppied with Mike. Chuck searched vainly for a few minutes, while loudly whining, "Where are the cookies?!!! I want a cookie!!! Tell me where the cookies are!!! You hid them; where did you hide them?!!!" If Chuck had stopped whining any later, Mike would have stomped the pathetic creature.

The rest of the night wasn't nearly so "dramatic." Mike and I dropped Chuck off at his parents' house so he could dog-sit overnight, and went back to the apt. When we got there, Lisa and Nate had arrived and gone to bed. So the apt was ours and quiet finally. What to do? Lay down on the couch and watch Comedy Central, of course! It was a really twisted South Park episode (702), so not exactly an ideal thing to be watching while cuddling on a couch, but then, it never stopped us before. Mike was tired, so he was falling asleep. I wasn't that comfortable (his couch is old and has boards separating the sections cuz it has reclining seats....and it's small for two people) so I wasn't sleepy. I figured I would head home, but when I suggested I let him sleep, he said, nah, he's not that tired and I can stay. So...we ended up curling up on his bed for a while, chatting and enjoying each other's company. We actually had some good serious discussion, and I felt better when I left there later that night. He knows how I feel, and he also knows that I really want to be friends and won't let my mixed feelings mess that up. We're too close of friends to let things be left unsaid, but there also needs to be that understanding that we really can't be "together" right now. After this weekend, I really am convinced that at least part of him really does want to be with me, making me feel pretty good. I also know that it can't happen, not now for sure. He still has to see other people, or at least go on some dates and get a taste of the dating game. I can't say I'm thrilled about it, but I know that there's no other way, and I would much rather have him without regrets, even if it does mean letting him go for now, and perhaps for always. I'd like to think that there's more to our story though.

That's the thing with Mike; it just never seems finished. There has to be more to it, we have to have another chance. Somehow, I just know it. Maybe I'm just idealistic, stuck on a pleasant dream. So what? So maybe I am dreaming--I'd much rather have a dream about something I think is worth it than ignore these feelings I have. I always said I'd fight for Mike, and I think I have been, in my own "subtle" way. Maybe I'm wrong and he's not "the one" for me, but what if I'm right? Then shouldn't I do everything I can? Not to make it my life, not to be obsessive or anything like that, but I should allow myself to feel these emotions and let whatever happens, happen naturally. I won't push, I won't be needy, but I will be there, a part of his life, as long as I can. I can give him the space he needs to develop and experience life, but I won't give up. Not yet.

::sigh:: An overly sappy blog entry, I know. But Jenny told me I had to blog, and this is what came out of my writing. Forever a hopeless romantic....But hey, next entry I'll say something fun and creative, okay? Deal :)

An Attempt at Alleviating Boredom

Being home right now when I would typically be at school is driving me nuts. I feel like going to bed right now, but I'm not tired. What else is there to do? Talk online? Yeah, talking online with friends is good, but not many people are up right now, and most that are have other things occupying them. Do homework? I could, but I'm really not in the mood for it--home just is not conducive for working on homework. When I'm at home, I think about the people I could see around town, the places I'd like to go, and pretty much anything and everything non-school related. So what am I doing with my free time? Talking online a bit, blogging, and staring at my homework....and doing all of this somewhat half-heartedly. Not that I don't enjoy chatting wiht my friends; I would just rather be seeing friends in person. But it's Sunday night, and there's nothing going on.

The rest of the weekend was full of activities for the most part. Thursday I drove to GB, hung out at home a bit, and then went over to Mike, Nate, and Chuck's apt for a snack and some company. We just watched some tv, ate Taco Bell, and talked. Friday I got up earlier than I would have liked to help my mom with preparations for Beth's baby shower (like planning games and making/decorating cookies) and running various errands. That evening I was invited by Mike to join Nate, Lisa, Chuck, and him out to Caffe Espresso for dinner. That really hit the spot--mmmm, flavored coffee and swanky coffee house. Of course, Chuck in his brightness decided to purchase a bottle of wine for himself, and drink it...himself...during dinner. Needless to say, this lightweight was a joy as we were heading out of Espresso and while hanging out at the mall afterwards :P That guy really needs to know when to stop. He wasn't THAT drunk at the mall, but drunk enough to be VERY expressive, be annoyingly touchy feely, knock over some game packages at a software store, and wander around looking lost when thinking about how to get himself to a bathroom. ::sigh:: And of course he needed to ride in MY car on the way from the mall to their apt. That was a joy. Anyway, I have to get going. My dad wants the computer right now for some reason...how great. I'll continue the story of my oh so exciting weekend at a later time. Until then!

On the Road Again

It appears I just can't get enough of my car. Once again I will be packing the trunk full of my precious cargo, grabbing some snacks and a drink, and driving away from the not-so-interesting city of EC. This time it's not for an adventurous soiree to the "exotic" land of Chicago; it's a three-day weekend respite at home in GB...of course using the term "respite" rather loosely since I'm sure my parents will do their best to make it as unrestful a weekend as possible, but that's nothing unusual. The weather isn't exactly cooperating with my idea for a relaxing drive, but sometimes I enjoy a nice overcast day for driving--it gives me more cause to think, to mull over ideas and situations in my head.

I have a feeling that this weekend will be...interesting. Not that anything super exciting or different is going to happen, but I think it will be a bit weird. Tonight I'll probably chill with my family, tomorrow I'll do some shopping for the baby shower and then I'm supposed to hang out with Mike and such, Saturday is the baby shower for Beth and the bday party for my grandpa and then likely chillin with Jenni, and Sunday I'll drive back to EC. Sometime during the weekend I'm hoping to visit with Joe, since it was his bday last Sunday and I haven't seen him for a bit. By all accounts, it should be a fairly fun weekend, but it also might be a little stressful with all the current events. My dad just got out of the hospital yesterday, so I imagine there'll be some adjustments at home and he probably won't be feeling that great. Which means I'll be doing some housework and likely running some errands. Not to mention the parties on Saturday afternoon which will require planning, set-up, and facilitating--I can't say I'm an experienced thrower of showers, and I know my sis-in-law Jennifer isn't either.

That's the thing, Jennifer really isn't into those kinds of traditions--bridal showers, baby showers, bachelorette parties, wedding traditions, family reunions, big holiday celebrations, etc. Especially anything that involves close girl friends or siblings. She's an only child, and was also a tomboy, so she doesn't have a lot of experience in it all, so she rejects most of it. My mom wants to include her in it all, cuz Beth is REALLY into all those traditions and would feel hurt if Jennifer wasn't a part of it all, since they are supposed to be "sisters" as well. I feel bad thinking this way, but really, sometimes Beth is just too damn sensitive. Last weekend when I was home, she was complaining (in tears) about how my dad dismisses her sometimes, wanting to spend time alone with Christopher. Granted, she's pregnant, so she's bound to be extra-sensitive and hormonal and all that, but she's like that without a 2lb fetus kicking her bladder too. I know my parents are FAR from perfect, but it's not like her parents have been so wonderful. I mean, they're having a shower for her down there, but she and Chris settled in GB and not the big city of Milwaukee for a reason--her parents are not nearly as supportive as Chris's. And I know QUITE well that my dad can be a real pain in the ass, but once you realize that, there's no sense crying about it. Sometimes he's just an insenstive bastard, but it's not because he doesn't care (if that makes sense). And Beth's argument that because Chris and her are married, she's going to be around all the time, just sounds soooo lame. I don't think I could stand being around my husband all the dang time. I don't care if he's Prince Charming; I'm going to want my own life outside of his and his family's. Sure, I'd want to be a part of my husband's family, but I don't expect them to treat me EXACTLY like a daughter--they're always going to love their son just a little bit more, and that's the way it SHOULD be. And besides, my brother Chris and my dad are men, and Chris grew up in our house...so how unusual is it that my dad would want to spend some quality QT with Chris without the wife? Beth could be the greatest person in the world (and don't doubt that I think highly of her and that her and Chris are a great couple and all that), but my dad is STILL going to pick Chris over her hands down--Chris is his son, always has been and always will be--his first son at that. How unreasonable is it for my dad to treat Beth as a daughter-IN-LAW and not a daughter...I mean, geez, he's got me, you know? And he DOES pretty much treat her like a daughter. He says "I love you" and wants to talk with her and tries to include both of them in all the bigger family events and all that.

Anyway, I just had to vent that. I love both of my brothers' wives, but sometimes their personalities so differ from mine, and even those of my brothers, that I have to wonder how those couples get along. But they do, and they love each other and that's what's important, even if they have some annoying personality traits. No one's perfect--as evidenced by someone like me. And I'm certain that whatever guy gets the lucky "privalege" of snagging me as a wife will undergo the same scrutiny by my brothers--I'm not sure that either of them have liked any guys I've dated yet, and maybe they never REALLY will until they HAVE to. But they're big brothers; that's what their for ;)

Breaking the Silence

Now that I'm back from spring break, I figure it's about dang time I blog. I was sick of looking at that one line entry with bad formatting. Time for something new! In my next post I'll talk about the trip, but right now I'd rather deal with more recent things. This weekend in GB was a lot of fun, except for yesterday.

Yesterday my dad went into the hospital with some chest pains, and turned out he had a minor heart attack. He also is turning up anemic in blood count tests, so they're checking to see if he's internally bleeding somewhere--not cool. What is also not cool is that the veins that have the blockage are REALLY small, spider web type veins outside the heart, so the doctors can't just go in and clear out the blockage like they could with bigger arteries. What that means is that this condition can't be cured, but he will have to take drugs and take on a healthier lifestyle to try to prevent further damage. To make it worse, my brother Scott had some chest pains as well, and so he was worried that he too had some heart condition. He went to the hospital where my dad is staying to have himself checked out, but turns out his heart is fine and healthy--which is very good news. He has an inflamed chest cavity I guess, caused by stress, that can be taken care of with some ibuprofen. Like my family needed any MORE problems...My dad is doing okay though, and my mom said he was in even better sorts and walking around and stuff today, so that's good. I'll be going home again this weekend, and I'm actually kind of glad. It'll be good to see my dad OUTSIDE of the hospital. And things should be more relaxing at home this weekend than last.

Last weekend was a lot of fun though; it was great being able to introduce Jenny to my family, Mike and Nate, and to the wonderful city that is GB. Jenny and I went out to Caffe Espresso--the best coffee house there is ;) (but maybe I'm biased...) on Friday night, and visited my mom a bit at the Holiday Inn where she was working. Saturday we got up "early" and got set to do some walking for my dad's campaign--a tradition I've been dealiing with since I was old enough to understand what it meant to walk door to door. We did that until the evening, then had some home cooking. Saturday night we went over to Mike and Nate's apartment and had them take us out to the bars downtown. It turned out to be a fun (and cheap) night (perhaps not so cheap for Mike and Nate, but oh well ;)

Yeah, I know I haven't written about it for a long time about guys, relationships, and stuff like that. I really wanted to get away from talking about the same old stuff over and over again. And don't worry, I really don't plan on getting into that much now and not much in the future. But I will clear a couple things up in case anyone's wondering how the heck the name "Mike" came up as someone I hung out at the bars with. Since he IMed me in January, breaking the long silence I had instituted, we've been talking. Very slowly and uncomfortably at first. It didn't take long for us to renew our friendship though. And then we got together to talk and have been really good friends since then, after getting some issues cleared away. So now we talk online, sometimes chat on the phone, and hang out a little if I'm in town. It's kind of weird cuz we're so friendly, kidding around and flirting. But it's like there's just this overall feeling that it's okay. We're just really comfortable around each other. I'm not sure if it means anything at all, but it's like that all the same, and I really wouldn't trade it. He may have his faults, and we may have had a really messed up past and probably a semi-messed up present, but he's still a good guy and a good friend. I'd like to think that our being able to be such close friends means something, but I don't know. We shall see. For now I'm just enjoying spending time talking and hanging out with him as a good friend. I'm sure some of my friends think I'm nuts for even talking to him, and maybe I am, but the point is, he makes me happy and I'd rather have him as a friend and part of my current life than as a bittersweet memory of my past. The future? that's another story...I hope it's a good one ;)

Spring Break Commences


IN CHICAGO!!!!!! :)

At the end of the day you're another day older...

The weekend wasn't too thrilling, but it was somewhat productive, and I got to hang out with my friend Heidi on Saturday and a little on Sunday evening which was nice. I even got some homework done, even if it was only maybe a half hour total work between Friday and Saturday, but that's a half hour more than I usually do on a weekend. The rest of my time was mostly spent behind my computer, whether it be playing BG2, talking online, or desperately hoping for certain websites to update so there's something else to do on my computer. How exciting, eh? I thought so...okay, no I didn't, but it wasn't that bad.

This week is flying by pretty fast. I can't believe Friday is the start of spring break--what an adventure! My only concern is monetary funds, which I think I'll have to ask my parents about. Well, that and whether Jenny will be able to stand hanging out with me every day for an entire week without causing me physical or mental harm. I'm hoping that our excursion to Lakeville and our many nights behind the computer and infront of the stove are experience enough to show that it CAN indeed be done. We shall see.

So...

I'm not sure what to write. Really nothing much is going on. Jenny is enjoying a fun skiing vacation and I'm here in EC. ::sniff, sniff, tear:: I miss her :( Eh, but it's not so bad. I haven't been here in EC for a regular relaxing weekend for a while; I've always had some sort of plans going on--a party here or other events going on in other various cities. It's actually kind of nice relaxing and getting some organizing, reading, errands, and slacking done. Yes, plenty of slacking involved in my weekend so far. I did manage to leave the apartment today--I even walked at a very brisk pace down the hill to do some errands, walked back up here and continued on to the Ramada to pick up my car and drive it back to campus. That's a good 40 min of walking--not so bad. Of course, I wasn't exactly ultra productive once I settled here in my room. Oh, I took out the trash, cleaned up my room a bit, orgainzed some photos, even read The Metamorphosis which was alright. But I spent more time chatting or playing games on the computer than doing anything that resembled work. Perhaps tomorrow I'll be more exciting. We shall see. I had intended on writing something profound, but nothing's coming to mind. ::sigh: Oh well, I can't be the font of knowledge every day ;)

Late night questions:

*Why is it that some of the best conversations happen at the most inopportune times?
*How can a person change so much in a few months' time?
*How is it that I can think I know a person for years and realize in a week that I really don't know the person at all?
*How can I love and let go at the same time?
*Is there a way to live in the past, present, and future without spontaneously combusting?
*What is true love? Can it exist in the real world?
*Can betrayed trust ever be regained?
*Will I always be a procrastinator?
*How many times can my heart withstand breaking before it stops healing itself?
*Why am I blogging instead of working on my unfinished take home test?

I just had to let some of that out. Nothing has really happened, I'm just contemplative about a lot of different things this evening, er, morning...I guess. Well, I better get to bed so I can work on my test in the morning since my head is so not into world literature tonight. These questions may not be answerable, but thinking about them is important anyway. One thing is for sure though, honesty really is a virtue. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It may not always be the easiest choice, but it's an important choice. Heck, it's one of the few virtues I've got going for me. It's the only part of being "pure" that really fits me (fyi, "Katie" comes from the Greek word for "pure"). ::sigh:: The rest of the virtues? Well, I'll work on them. ;)

Consider this a prelude to Katie's Random Advice Post KRAP

This has nothing to do with future KRAP posts, but the topic is random and it seems to impart some form of wisdom...somewhere.. No, don't ask me where. I said NO! Don't make me come over there...

Anyway, this is some advice I have on Procrastination:

The American Heritage Dictionary that I received from the principal as a 5th grader because some stupid kid put a wad of gum in my previous dictionary while it was sitting peacefully and unprovokingly in my desk...defines procrastination as the act of "putting off, especially habitually, doing something until a future time. It comes from the Latin word "procrastinare." If the dictionary based off the definition of procrastination based off of my life, it would simply state "the act of living, especially habbitually."

I have no idea when it started. Something must have clicked somewhere in grade school, between grades 1 and 3. By third grade, I was waiting until the last minute to study for tests, cramming the multiplication tables we had to memorize, and taking my sweet time getting ready for school so that I almost always had to rush on my bike. But those were small things, trivial things that I didn't do all the time. The first strong memory I have of a REAL act of procrastination is my 4th grade research report.

The 4th grade research report was a milestone. Never before had any of us poor, unsuspsecting students known what it was to...write an entire research report. Evidently, I still didn't know after the teacher explained it to us. I had the handouts, followed the instructions, and managed to pretty much bomb the paper. It was a tough blow, a B -. Why did I bomb the paper? Good question, I'm glad you brought that up. Each student was required to write a report on a country. A country!! Don't ask me how a 4th grade student was supposed to write a 3-4 page paper on an entire civilization, but we were. I had Mexico.

I don't remember why I had Mexico. I have a feeling I chose Mexico. Seemed like a good idea at the time--likely because I had actually seen a little of Mexico (a really not-so-nice border town, but to me it was enough..I was so prepared to write this 3-4 page paper summing up the nation). I was well armed with sources--several books about Mexico, and my trusty World Book Encylcopedias that I was dependent upon for any report from second grade on up (until I realized sometime in late middle school that those World Book authors from 1981 weren't really good at telling the future). And so I scanned my books, picking out any facts that were easily summarized and accessible, like facts out of an encyclopedia. Travel books were the best--they had neat lists of cities, museums, shopping centers, and other tourist attractions. Those lists were undoubtably MUCH easier to absorb and spit out into report form. I diligently worked...the night before. Considering my age and my parents, I doubt I was up until even 12am, but it certainly seemed late. I struggled to make my paper long enough, frustrated by the boring chapters describing various customs that were too time consuming to write about. With what I thought was a stroke of genius (she'll never know!), I resorted to listing various hotels, motels, and camping areas. It was a masterpiece.

You can imagine my surprise when I saw the B - penned on a piece of note paper, thoughtlessly stapped to my beautiful cover page, complete with a Washable Crayola Marker rendition of the Mexican flag and a sombrero, the title "MEXICO" neatly scrawled in black marker above the flag...and sombrero (which was kind of floating in the bottom right corner). I even borrowed a neat looking clear covered binder folder from my friend Angela, you know, to add that Professional spice. And I got a B -...I mean, if you wanted to know about Mexico, wouldn't you be concerned about what trailer parks you stow your RV in?


So, let this be a lesson to you all out there. Procrastination isn't a habit, it's a lifestyle. So if you have any children who are taking on procrastinator virtues, I suggest you...well, actually, I have no idea what you should do. You probably were procrastinators too when you were a child. Heck you're probably procrastinators too--so THAT'S where she gets it from! HA! Well!....oh, where was I, oh yes, what to do if your chilid is a procrastinator...eh, may as well just say screw it--there's no reforming him or her. May as well embraced it...and remember: At least the kid is DOING the work!

and that concludes this edition of...KRAP!

Today I had an orientation meeting for the London student teaching program. EXCITING! Except for the whole issue that no one seems to know exactly when we'll be leaving, where we're being housed and what school will be like there. But have no fear, invest $800 of the non-refundable fees (not including tuition and crap) and THEN we'll tell you. ::sigh:: At least I have a ROUGH idea of when I'm going--October 31-December 20, but of course, I'm going to tour for a while afterwards. I'm just wondering what the school system is like that I'll be teaching in. Is it really similar? or are the classes shorter, longer, every day or not? Things like that buzz around my mind. And then I'll have to eventually start thinking about lesson plans...it certainly will be interesting teaching English class to British students.

All this talk about the trip makes me want to leave RIGHT NOW!!!! This semester is so not very exciting. I mean, I'm having fun with friends and all, but the classes leave something to be desired and I'm actually sort of getting tired of the college scene.

oh, well it worked that time...nevermind ;)

um, well that sucks. I can't get to my site. I'm hoping this is a temporary glitch, so I'm going to try not to PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the delay on the KRAP. I assure you, it's coming along. Just give it some more time; a little more time is all it needs and then ::bam!:: KRAP will be here. Until them, amuse yourself with this:

one fun comic!
two fun comics! what fun!

I was introduced a year or so back to this site called Penny Arcade and even though I'm not quite sure what they're talking about half the time, I thoroughly enjoy what I DO know, and can pretty much wing what I don't know know. Either way, it's fun seeing such a unique and well done comic by a couple guys that remind me WAY too much of some other guys I know ;)

Not much else to say--I'm not really in the mood to blog much. My grandpa had open heart surgery today and seems to recovering alright from it. My backpack strap broke yesterday morning and I have yet to replace the backpack, which should make walking to class with 2 anthologies, 3 notebooks, and 3 folders tomorrow rather interesting. Other than that, nothing too new. Catch ya on the flip side!

What's going on in Katie's life lately? I know you're just dying to find out. So I'll tell you! Let's see:

V-ball tickets:I got one call back, which got my hopes up...until I realized that the stupid bastards want to scalp those tickets for all they're worth. How do I know that? Well, having them ask, "So how much are you offering to pay for them?" was a bit of a clue. I said, well, "face value 2 of them would be $50." They said, "Well, we bought 4 of them, with 2 extra so we could make a bit of a profit." I said, "Ah, I see. Well I can understand that, for going through the trouble and all. I might be willing to pay a bit more, though it isn't exactly kosher, for your trouble." (at this point I was already disgusted). So he said, "I'll have to check with my friend about it, since he helped pay for them, but I have your number, and I'll get back to you." There was more to the conversation, but whatever. I know I won't be hearing from them, the fuckers. I wish I could just catch them in their act....SCALPING IS ILLEGAL!!!! grrrr

New health kick: Let's just say it's a slow start. I went to hydroaerobics last week, but skipped it last night. I had cake and alcohol on Friday. I didn't do much of anything the rest of the weekend. And I've been still snacking a bit. HOWEVER, I plan on going for a walk or at least going down to the fitness room this evening. AND I have eaten a bit better--trying to have more healthy meals and drinking less soda. And tomorrow I'm going to hydro no matter what...no good quality conversations are going to keep me from trimming up MY ass.

Schoolwork: I feel incredibly lazy in this department, and it's not because I haven't been doing my work. It's more because there really isn't that much work to do yet. Granted, there's some out of class stuff I really should get on top of, like taking care of the 25 clock hours I need to put in working with people in minorities or with disabilities, but it's not due til the end of the semester. Otherwise, I kind of laugh hearing people in class talking about how much reading they HAVE to do...when really it's not that hard...especially compared to past semesters. But then again, I'm an English major--I like reading.

Job: Still haven't gotten a job. But I picked up an application for the Academic Skills Center as a tutor, so we'll see how that goes.

Love life: Same old same old. Been having some good discussions about the past, present and future, and I am trying to have a healthier outlook on the whole romantic part of my life. Like the health regiment, it's going slowly, but I'm at least trying to make some progress. Of course, in many ways I'm still hopelessly stuck, but then, a little dreaming doesn't hurt, as long as it doesn't prevent a person from living....or from driving her friends insane by persistently talking about this guy or that guy.

Future?: Eh, who knows? I think it's all a matter of perspective. Maybe I am rather past-oriented, and sometimes too dreamy...though I think that is a far better fault than consistenly living in the moment, with no regard for past mistakes, future aspirations...or consequences. As Dr. Hanson pointed out in World Lit II today, sometimes, it's those little things, those smallest decisions that are the crucial turningpoints of our lives. I'd like to think that a person can do a little of the steering on those turns herself, if she puts her mind and heart into it.

So now you know...and knowing is half the battle...and more than meets the eye! Of course, my twilight campaign, is easy to explain: there's no case to big, no case too small, and life is like a hurricane, by the power of Greyskull! ;)

V-ball tickets have arrived! Now, to find 2 more tickets....this ought to be interesting.

Tonight I broke down. For the last few weeks I have been hearing more and more about dieting, working out, cutting carbs...it's just ridiculous. It's as though everyone and their mother is trying to get fit this spring. My mom hasn't gone on a diet for years, and now she's breaking out her old Weight Watchers menus and joining her coworkers at Curves. Jenny W and Chris decided to follow his parents' lead and start the Atkins diet and now they've both lost 15 some pounds. Jenny A's mom started a diet and has lost about 30 lbs. Tricia is doing either skating, skiing, or climbing or some other activity almost every day of the week. Heidi started her own version of the Atkin's diet that she heard about from a friend, and though she hasn't gotten too far in it, she is also going to aerobics, so I'm expecting some results soon. Jenny A mentioned going on more walks. My roomie and her freinds are doing aerobics in the living room. I've hit the point where I give up.....I'll start getting healthier.

I've been meaning to for a while, and now it just seems inevitable that I either join the throng of newly inspired healthmongers or join the throng of the people overweight who gave up caring. Part of me really doesn't care if I'm a size 11/12 or 9/10. Another part of me REALLY wants to fit into my silky black pants to go clubbing. And then there's that part of me that has seen what I look like in a bikini mid January and shivers. It's time to gain a LITTLE control back and eat a little better and get my ass out from behind the computer.

I'm not into these specified diets or higly regimented fitness centers. I may not mind a little aerobics, but I much prefer Hydro-aerobics, where people don't have to see any part of me jiggle aside from my chest when it hits the water (sorry for that visual). And I do like going for walks and biking (though i'm not a big fan of indoor cycles, but I will choose those before any other bit of machinery or weightlifting apparatus). The thing is, I'm not a highly self-motivated person when it comes to fitness.

I do walk to classes, and almost always use the stairs, even though there is an elevator available. That's something at least. I'll typically join a person in some fitness activity if they ask me, but it seems I've gained a self-preservation tactic of surrounding myself with friends who also are not into fitness regimes. Not that my friends aren't healthy, and as I've said, some have recently become more health conscious. It's just like it's a sudden wave of fitness frenzy has overcome them, and though I have tried to stop this tsunami from overtaking me and any other good souls unafraid of being slightly to mildly overweight ("well-rounded" as I like to say), my defenses have fallen and the tidal wave rolls on, swiping even more victims to become...dare I say it....health conscious. Ugh, the words stick in my keyboard almost as much as they stick in my throat.

I think being healthy is a great thing, and I'm quite certain I can benefit from loosing about 15 lbs. Mostly, I just want to trim a little pudginess here and there. With Viennese Ball coming up in a couple months, I will have the pleasure of dressing to the nines. Currently, I have a few dresses in my possession that would pass off well as a "V-ball" ensemble, a couple in particular that I have never actually worn. I do have a stunning dress that fits me perfectly now, but after wearing it to my brother's wedding in Aruba and the reception in GB, I'm ready to move on to the next formal gown. Plus, it seems more like a true "ball" when a girl gets to wear a sincerely poofy dress. It's not obsessively poofy, but it clearly has elements of poofiness to it. AND, it's a very pretty red with little black glittery stars on it....and it's super soft to the touch (the stars are actually a faux velvety material that's super touchable ;) Sounds unique, and I tell you, the first time I saw it, I said it was "interesting" which can mean a number of things when I say it. I was very much amused by it and so I tried it on (especially since it was on clearance from $80 to $25). Unfortunately, the 9/10 ended up having a very unmendable rip in the back. HOWEVER, the 7/8 was in prime condition. This being the end of my freshman year of college I thought, hm....why not? So I tried it on, and sure enough, it fit like a glove.

Needless to say, a good couple years can do a world of difference, and it would be a might too snug in the tummy and chestal regions. That's why this health kick is especially appealing. Not to mention, it can't hurt to look absolutely stunning and fabulous and like an all around princess/sex goddess combo at a ball where who knows one could meet. And more importantly, I'll probably feel better this summer when I put my shorts and swimsuits on again.

So here's to a fresh beginning....let's hope this lasts more than a week. Envisioning my mother wearing pants sizes smaller than me certainly should help my motivation :P

Stay tuned....
for the much awaited....
....yet totally unknown to everyone but me....

Shocking as a 200,000 lightning bugs!
Titillating as a sports bra!
Insightful as a jar of eyes!

It's none other than:

First Official Katie's Random Advice Post (KRAP)

(coming soon to a website near you....like the one you are currently reading)

me: ever want to kick yourself ?
Jenny: of course
me: ever want to kick yourself, know you should kick yourself, watch as you don't kick yourself, and wonder why you haven't kicked yourself yet?

So Jenny, burned any plates lately?