Boredom Alleviation Continues...

Now where was I....Oh yes, I gave Chuck a ride back to their apartment. Due to his inebriation (and to his typical behavior) he babbled on about all sorts of things while driving, most of which didn't make a lot of sense. Once we got to the apt, Mike broke out his new game Freelancer on his computer, Chuck played annoyingly sappy music and old Looney Toons on his computer while chatting online, and I picked up Mike's guitar and played the one song I sort of know how to play--Bush "Glycerine." In the midst of this, Chuck had a fit because Mike bought cookies at the mall and gave one to me and ate one himself, but offered none to Chuck. At first glance, that might seem rude, but considering that Chuck has a condition with his stomach that prevents him from being able to eat wheat products unless he wants to have some serious health troubles, it's not so rude. The bottle of wine convinced Chuck, however, that he would like nothing better than a cookie, despite the fact he would become seriously ill, and he was willing to be REALLY obnoxious to get one. Mike ALMOST gave in by giving him a little piece, but then Chuck got too obnoxious and there was no way Mike was going to give in. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold Chuck back, and then Mike leaves the room for a min, Chuck sees the bag of cookies unattended and goes for them. Of course, that leaves me there to defend Chuck's life by wrenching those cookies from his hands, which I did. Then I took them to the other room and hid them behind the couch while he was otherwise occuppied with Mike. Chuck searched vainly for a few minutes, while loudly whining, "Where are the cookies?!!! I want a cookie!!! Tell me where the cookies are!!! You hid them; where did you hide them?!!!" If Chuck had stopped whining any later, Mike would have stomped the pathetic creature.

The rest of the night wasn't nearly so "dramatic." Mike and I dropped Chuck off at his parents' house so he could dog-sit overnight, and went back to the apt. When we got there, Lisa and Nate had arrived and gone to bed. So the apt was ours and quiet finally. What to do? Lay down on the couch and watch Comedy Central, of course! It was a really twisted South Park episode (702), so not exactly an ideal thing to be watching while cuddling on a couch, but then, it never stopped us before. Mike was tired, so he was falling asleep. I wasn't that comfortable (his couch is old and has boards separating the sections cuz it has reclining seats....and it's small for two people) so I wasn't sleepy. I figured I would head home, but when I suggested I let him sleep, he said, nah, he's not that tired and I can stay. So...we ended up curling up on his bed for a while, chatting and enjoying each other's company. We actually had some good serious discussion, and I felt better when I left there later that night. He knows how I feel, and he also knows that I really want to be friends and won't let my mixed feelings mess that up. We're too close of friends to let things be left unsaid, but there also needs to be that understanding that we really can't be "together" right now. After this weekend, I really am convinced that at least part of him really does want to be with me, making me feel pretty good. I also know that it can't happen, not now for sure. He still has to see other people, or at least go on some dates and get a taste of the dating game. I can't say I'm thrilled about it, but I know that there's no other way, and I would much rather have him without regrets, even if it does mean letting him go for now, and perhaps for always. I'd like to think that there's more to our story though.

That's the thing with Mike; it just never seems finished. There has to be more to it, we have to have another chance. Somehow, I just know it. Maybe I'm just idealistic, stuck on a pleasant dream. So what? So maybe I am dreaming--I'd much rather have a dream about something I think is worth it than ignore these feelings I have. I always said I'd fight for Mike, and I think I have been, in my own "subtle" way. Maybe I'm wrong and he's not "the one" for me, but what if I'm right? Then shouldn't I do everything I can? Not to make it my life, not to be obsessive or anything like that, but I should allow myself to feel these emotions and let whatever happens, happen naturally. I won't push, I won't be needy, but I will be there, a part of his life, as long as I can. I can give him the space he needs to develop and experience life, but I won't give up. Not yet.

::sigh:: An overly sappy blog entry, I know. But Jenny told me I had to blog, and this is what came out of my writing. Forever a hopeless romantic....But hey, next entry I'll say something fun and creative, okay? Deal :)