As a follow up to my recent blog entry describing the top ten signs of a true "nice guy," I bring to you a new list, perhaps even more useful for trying to survive in a world where men and women must coexist. For reference, I'm using the term "emotional fuckwit" (as taken from Bridget Jones's Diary) in the sense of "someone who is not really sure of their feelings or what they want, and they extend that to messing with your life, one minute being the man/woman of your dreams and the next someone who makes living sanely, impossible." For this list and for basically all of my references to the term "emotional fuckwit," I am referring to a male, though I do recognize the fact that there are indeed many women who could fit that definition as well. Here it is:

Top Ten Attributes of an Emotional Fuckwit

10. Does not call when he says he will call. (This could also include not returning calls or emails in a timely manner).

9. Is fond of saying "Bros before hos" even in your presense.

8. Is not in the least bit covert when checking out other women in your presense.

7. Frequently spends money frivolously on himself while giving you the bear minimum or less (Hypothetical example: For himself: $100 worth of miniatures that he uses for perhaps a month or so, before setting them aside after buying a whole new set of miniatures. For you: No birthday present, no anniversary dinner, no flowers for Valentine's Day, and a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail for Christmas bought on the day before Christmas Eve with you there in present company, and gives it to you the next day still in the bag with the reciept.)

6. Refuses to go to or attend any major functions with you that would imply you two as a couple (Hypothetical examples: weddings, family reuninons, formal dances, etc.)

5. Idea of a date is watching him do something he wants to do.

4. Really "wants to be with you" but [insert excuse here, hypothetical examples: long distance, too busy with school/work/hobbie/career/family, needs more life experiences before settling down, mixed feelings, not over ex, etc.] makes it too difficult to be in a relationship right now.

3. Is willing to "fool around" or be "friends with benefits"

2. When he is down on his luck with dating and you are unavailabe/attached/being happy single, he somehow manages to make himself VERY available and willing to be good friends (see attribute #3)

1. Has a pattern of dating and dumping the same person over and over again.

Now, I'm not really sure of the hierarchy with these items listed. And it may take a combination of these factors to make him a TRUE emotional fuckwit. But if the guy has more than one of these attributes, especially the top 4...beware, beware. There's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I gotta tell you, I'm pretty damn shameful by that account. Of course, there's also that other saying that Tricia refers to in her Boys are Dumb Dissertation, which I suggest you read sometime if you get the chance--sorry, can't link you to it--"Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." Personally, I think the person that came up with that idea was on crack, that or they were never dumped before. Granted, my experiences have taught me a lot about life and love and shit, but I could really do without a lot of the shit. I can blame the guys all I want, but then, that's discounting the fact that I keep putting myself in the situations. Sometimes, I'm too darn trusting or idealistic, always trying to think the best of someone, or at least that there is such thing as true love and that I have seen and felt it. I still do think it exists...somehow. ::sigh:: oh well. I guess what I'm trying to say is: if any guy has these characteristics, keep your eyes open--at that point, you can choose to take the risk or not to--if you do, and you lose... at least you'll see it coming. Like any good Girl Scout, I intend to "Be Prepared."