Well, I feel better than I did last time I wrote. Things are still a little confusing, but now that school is a little less stressful, I think I can handle it. But I imagine I will still have my good days and bad days. Last Sunday was just a reminder that I am still going to have bad days now and then, and that's alright. There's a poem by Emily Dickinson that really explains well what I mean by that:

#686 "They say that 'Time assuages'--"

They say that "Time assuages"--
Time never did assuage--
An actual suffering strengthens
As Sinews do, with age--

Time is a Test of Trouble--
But not a Remedy--
If such it prove, it prove too
There was no Malady--

-----Emily Dickinson (1863, 1896)

What I think this means is, that if someting happens and you feel a great loss, you're going to feel pain from it always. Yes, time does heal things, but if it is something very meaningful and difficult, even time cannot heal it. That doesn't mean that I think it's good to wallow in the pain or that it won't be put back further and further in my mind as time goes by. But when I do think about it, it will still be a hurt--nothing can change that. And that's okay, to have a few spots in my heart that do hurt a little if I poke at them a bit. The trick is, to have enough other strong spots in my heart that overshadow the hurt and give me the strength to keep going with those smaller hurts. I don't just mean falling in love again, I mean other areas of my heart, like my love for my family, for friends, for myself, for life itself--all of those things are what make those little cuts worth risking. I just hope I always have the strength and hope to keep taking those risks.