Family Portrait Reflected in a Mirror

For a few days this week I went to my parents' house to help my mom go through boxes upon boxes of items from my grandma's house. (A couple weeks ago she moved into a retirement home so my parents needed to empty her house to sell it). My parents' garage and basement were full of everything from dressers, pots and pans, jewelry, antique dishware, to boxes of bran cereal and smelly old sheets. Realize that my grandmother had been living in the same house for her entire life and the house belonged to her parents...that creates a shite-load of accumulation.

The sorting of what to keep, what to give away, and what to sell took us almost 3 days, and that’s after my parents already went through some of it. It was a real backache. If I hadn’t helped, it would have taken twice as long—my dad, the pack rat, is not so good at throwing things away. I also needed to go through and figure out what items I would like to keep, as I am the only granddaughter.

Naturally, being the only granddaughter also has its benefits. Sure, my brothers and sisters-in-law will take some of the stuff, but for things like jewelry and other keepsakes, I get first dibs. I’m so glad that grandma is still alive and doing okay, though. I’d much rather be going through old cards and keepsakes knowing I can share memories with my grandma and talk with her about them, than just thinking how each item is something she won’t see again.

Still, it’s hard watching her deteriorate. She’s always been a strong-willed woman, living on her own, stubborn, a worrier, with favorite pastimes of cleaning and shopping. Not exactly a thrill-seeker, but she had been very independent. Now it is difficult to hold a conversation with her. She forgets words and gets confused sometimes. And her hearing aids haven’t been working that well, so I have to talk fairly loudly and simply to make sure she understands what I’m saying. At least we can still have pleasant conversations, just not very deep ones. I just wish I had been a little older when she was a little younger so that I could know her better. In college, it was hard thinking about family when school and friends took priority. And before that, I really didn’t have the idea that my grandma was that interesting nor the thought that she would be gone someday.

Her life hasn’t been easy and her personality hasn’t always been easy to get along with. She’s not into playing games or reading and didn’t really bring up topics to talk about. Most of the time, we’d be in the living room chatting or watching CNN. All she’d really watch is the news, which would repeat all day. A young person gets bored with all that. I wonder, maybe next time I visit her, I’ll bring a photo album and talk with her about some of it. I’ve seen Chris show his great-grandma pictures, and it gives her something to see and gives both of them something to talk about. Hopefully my grandma’s vision is good enough for it.

On the bright side, she seems to be adjusting to her new home. Apparently one day she was actually dancing to some music that was playing there. I have NEVER seen her dance and the idea daunts me. She’s never been the “grandma” type making baked goods and reading stories. I think sometimes she had difficulty relating to us kids growing up in the ever-modernizing world. After we stopped wanting to color in coloring books, we were just difficult to manage.

She seems to be making some friends at the home, but I think she’s not used to having so many people around. She falls back on the way some of her old friends were, not really genuinely caring, but making pleasantries. The only really good friend she’s had in a long time was Aunt Pat. But Aunt Pat’s been gone for a few years now. I’m glad that grandma’s been able to keep going despite her loss and depression, but she really hasn’t been the same since then. I hope she can find the effort and will to make new friends. I know it’s also hard adjusting to the life in the home, with people going to bed a lot earlier than she’s used to. She’s always been a night owl since she takes naps in the afternoon. ::sigh:: She’s a woman after my own heart.

I really love my grandma, but I don't know her as well as I think I should. I learned a lot about her by going through her belongings, but that's not the same as learning it first hand. I'll just have to visit her more often and appreciate the time I have with her--that's what they say anyway. I suppose that's all I can do, make the effort. I think what bothers me the most is that we're all getting older. My dad just turned 60. The thought of my parents aging and eventually needing help like my grandparents scares me. They've always been pillars in my life and I want them to be there as I grow older too. It can be so hard making decisions between dedication to family and to my own life. And those decisions will only become more difficult. When is it selfish and when is it growth and independence? Maybe as I grow older I WILL grow wiser and figure that out.

Waste of Time

Only two weeks left now until I begin another year of teaching. In one week, I get to experience In-Service meetings at the new school. If they're anywhere near as exciting as last year's meetings, I had best be prepared and bring some crossword puzzles with me.

It's going to be hard getting to know a whole new staff. I can only hope that my "team" is encouraging and cooperative like we were at ALA last year. Surprisingly, a few other teachers decided to leave that school this summer as well. This year probably would have sucked there, especially with a rawer deal for health insurance.

I'm a little worried, since I didn't use much time this month to prepare for the school year. I was mostly wrapped up in organizing the new apartment, relaxing and actually having some fun during the little bit of summer I have left. But next week I really need to crack down, get up early every day, and start plotting out the school year for each of the four classes. I just want the year to go well. I don't want to be thinking in December that I'd have been better off going back to grad school or working some stupid office job. Optimisim. That's the ticket.

I know I CAN handle the work load; the question is, do I really WANT to teach four different classes and be responsible for the writing, reading, and comprehension skills of the entire high school? That's a lot of responsibility, especially now that the grades I give them will count for their GPA and actually affect their futures.

Alright, this is too heavy for me to think about right now. I think I'll go back to my usual plan of eating lunch, straightening the apartment, and feigning interest in reading the textbooks I'll be using this year. Oh, and flipping through the channels on the off chance that daytime television doesn't completely suck ass.

On the inside looking out

Having just finished moving Sunday and having not yet called the cable provider, I am at a local coffee shop getting my Internet fix. It's pretty nice and if I didn't need the Internet quite often for work, I would just go to a shop whenever I wanted to use it. I'm trying to remember if there was something else I am supposed to do on here before I leave. At least this place is only about a 3 min drive from our place, just 9 blocks away.

Our place is starting to take shape, ever so slowly, and ever so expensively. We've spent at least 200-300 dollars on new rugs, shower supplies, cleaning utensils, alarms, and various other things in the past few days. I'm hoping to get reimbursed for a few things from our landlord. He's okay, pretty laid back, but he doesn't sound that helpful about maintenance. The main things that need fixing are a window that tends to drift open, a light about the kitchen sink that doesn't work, and we are in need of a couple more keys. One or two of the copies he made aren't very helpful. Oh well. Overall, I'm happy with the place and I know I'll be even happier when we get more boxes unloaded and arrange some furniture.

I'm almost done with the kitchen. It sucks because the people who moved out were bastards who didn't lift a finger to clean the place before they left. The oven is a mess, the fridge could use work, the bathroom is icky, and I had to wash out every drawer and cupboard in the kitchen. I figured I'd do the kitchen first since having a usable kitchen is rather essential to eating. I've put down new liner in almost all of the cupboards and drawers in there. I still need to do a few more, but I think I may need to buy a new roll. The primary dishes are washed and put away. I hope to finish it all by the end of the day.

Then it's time to clear some boxes and figure out the living room and office areas. It's difficult to decide what should go where. It would friggen help if we had a bed together. We couldn't get the damn box spring out of our apartment. It got IN there, so it seems logical it can get OUT of there. I think maybe since our landlord redid the front stairs there's a little less room...just enough inches to make it nigh impossible to remove the box spring mattress. So, we've been sleeping on our regular mattress on the floor. It makes it dang inconvenient to move around in the bedroom and prevents us from arranging the room how we'd like it. I suppose we could put our dressers and such in order, but the motivation is lacking knowing it'll still look tacky with a mattress on the floor like so many college students.

I really like how many outlets we have. Seriously, there are 4 usable ones in the kitchen, not counting the one in use already for the fridge and oven. AND not counting the one that is disturbingly situated under the sink by the pipes. Every room has at least 4 I think. That's in vast contrast to our last place which even had a few ungrounded outlets. Having an actual furnace and vents in every room will also be nice. We have a lot of windows...11 I think, instead of our old 6, even one in the bathroom. We'll definitely have to put up plastic this year, since we're paying for heat. But I already have 3M plastic in the basement in winter storage.

Ah, our basement. I love it. It's so nice having a decent basement that doesn't seem creepy at all, with free laundry machines all to ourselves. We can actually store things down there without fear of big nasties crawling into our boxes. The only down point is that it's not easy to store a bike down there and haul it upstairs, as Chris is finding out. He's going to have to work something out with our hallway or something. Maybe he can store it in the front area. Eh, details.

Another down point? We don't know our neighbors too well yet. They seem nice enough, though they go to bed early and maybe are a bit too trendy for our taste. Oh well, not every neighbor can be your best friend :) I miss you Tricia! And Barbara! And lovely little 3rd floor apartment. But I can definitely get used to this neighborhood. It's cool and I can't wait to explore it more. Well, battery's running low. Time to fly! Or maybe just go to a Twins game.