It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Week

And when is that? Why, Thursday night, just 17 hours away from a much-needed winter break that will last and last. How long is this work-free time period? 2 Weeks! Yes, two weeks of splendiferous late mornings and adolescentless days. (You may ask why I make up words, and I can tell you the answer. I'm an English teacher; I have a license to change the completely irrational "laws" of the English language at will. Like my students would realize the difference anyway.)

Tonight I spent an hour and a half looking for supplies for my teaching "lesson" tomorrow. Let's face it. Tomorrow is going to be hell on earth with kids flying everywhere in an attempt to escape through 2nd floor windows, cracks in the wall, vents in the heater, between tiles in the ceiling--anywhere they could possibly squeeze through to escape the last day of class before a long vacation. They will be hyped on sugar. They will be asking repeatedly, "Can we have a party? Can we have a party?" And just when you think it will be okay, "Can we have a party?" There will not be a moment of peace even during my hour prep period. I can feel the tension seeping into my shoulders already.

Hence, my "lesson" for tomorrow. Here are the details:
Step #1: Take attendance.

Step #2: Spend a good 5 minutes explaining the plan for the day in an attempt to kill time.

Step #3: Have the kids create hand-made cards to give to friends and relatives for the holidays using newly bought construction paper, confetti, glue, magazine clippings, and various other objects they may find on the floor in the classroom.

Step #4: While students are working, hand out old papers, including the recent test they took so that they can make needed corrections.

Step #5: Hope that all hell doesn't break loose while students are using scissors, glue, and listening to Manheim Steamroller's Christmas.

Step #6: Surprise them all with a special holiday gift of a pencil, pen, and peppermint candycane tied together with a piece of difficult-to-find curling ribbon for each and every one of my seventy students (all of which I will put together tomorrow morning before school starts).

Step #7: Thank my lucky stars they are gone for the day, the week, and the rest of the year.

Damn, I am way too good to my students. They should worship me. Really, they should.