by the way...Bridget Jone's Diary rocks :) Perfect touch for a night like this...er...morning ;)

FUCK! just FUCK! What the fuck was he thinking?! Talked to Mike tonight--the fucking idiot. He decided that he hadn't really thought through on asking me back out. So, no more going out with Mike. WHAT THE FUCK?! I mean, yeah, so it's not totally unexpected, I wasn't that involved in the relationship yet cuz it just happened Friday. BUT FUCK MAN, HAVE SOME FUCKING DECENCY! I mean, hell, I'd rather have had sex with the guy with no commitments than have him "slip up" and ask me out. Another fucking case of someone being "in the moment" and doing something fucking ass stupid that fucks with my life. Yeah, maybe I should have known better, but you know, when someone tells you that they want to date you the 3rd time around, after 10 months of separation and being good friends, you tend to think that it means something. The fucker...So, I'm not talking to him for a good long while, and most definately not seeing him either. He can just go fuck himself. The asshole. He's on my block list, and he's going to stay there until I decided he can exist in my world again...which likely won't be until I'm in a situation where I can handle a little drama...which isn't any time soon. That's why this weekend it's off to Madison to hang with friends and having a good time. Wish me better luck to come ;) see ya!

::sigh:: Had the talk with Brandon tonight. It went about as I expected, as all conversations with him seem to go. But I guess that's a good thing cuz it sets us up for being friends again, now that things are out in the open and thoughts expressed, and allows me to think clearly about what I want from my renewed relationship with Mike. I really need to talk to him, but I wonder if it would be best to just wait til perhaps next weekend if I go home so that we can talk in person, which I think for that kind of conversation would be much better since it will be personal and we can see each others' reactions and think of each other as really being there, not just people at the other end of the line. For now I'm in a sort of limbo state where I'm not really sure what's going on. But that's nothing new. Anyways, I'm heading off the comp so I can really relax--it has been a looooooong day. This weekend should be a welcome blast of fresh fun ;) Check ya later!

Okay, I feel better now. It really helped to go with Jennifer and Jenny to Applebee's for happy hour :) Well, it wasn't really happy hour anymore, but it was dinner time and we had a couple drinks with our nice meals. It definately hit the spot, although I felt kinda icky after having a couple sweet drinks--those Mudslides are great, especially the MUCHO Mudslides, but you can only take so much of something that tastes like a very sweet chocolate shake. And to follow it up with an Irish coffee is nice, but still a bit on the sweet side. Eh, but it was tasty. However, having nearly half of Jenny's MUCHO strawberry margarita--which had Jose Cuervo and triple sec instead of just the house margarita mix--yeah, that got me feeling a LITTLE bit of a buzz. Just enough to add to the sleepiness I was already feeling.

So by 10:30 I was ready to zonk out. I can't believe I went to bed then, but I did...however I woke up about an hour later from my roomies being loud, but then I eventually drifted back to sleep...only to wake up at 1am, wide awake! Then I did what any resposible college student would do--worked on and ended up finishing the homework I had planned to do first thing in the morning. Back in bed by 3:30 and I got up at 8:30. You'd think that with the extra sleep I got I would have been feeling awake when I smacked my alarm clock. BUT of course I felt more tired than ever and it took me another 15 min to get out of bed, which I did not have. Late to class today, but it wasn't a big deal.

And now I'm actually feeling sort of awake, which is good since I have to work on a proposal for my Eng 406 unit--it's only about one page and I email it--and I have to type up answers to some discussion questions for another class--also not too hard. I know by 5pm though I'm going to be so ready to crash...BUT I have to give Brandon a call then and see about getting together so we can have our little talk. Maybe he'll want to talk around 8pm...that'll give me a nice 2.5 hour nap :) Here's hoping at least. With the way he is, I wonder if he even will remember and be around when I call him :P Hmm, and I have to call Mandy to let her know about the weekend--she asked me to go to Madison with her and I'm thinking about it. I'd also like to stay in town so that I can go to the Down and Above concert Friday night in MN, which I would drag Jenny to ;) I suppose I had best decided soon, so I'll have to find out the details from Mandy (like if she still plans on going, etc.). Anyway, time for homework...oh joy.

Shit. I feel like complete shit. I was feeling fine until I had to have a stupid fucking conversation with Nick. That guy has the tact of a fucking totalitarian dictator trying to take over the world by force. Like it isn't e-fucking-nough that I have to deal with the issue of what to tell or not tell Mike about what happened this summer, that I have to hear it from him. Yet another guy that knows about the "mystery man" and Mike wanting to know who it is. I'm so fucking sick of this shit. And for Nick to have the fucking gall to say that he heard that the main reason Mike wants to go back out with me is to find out who the mystery man is...that's fucking low. I 99% don't believe that bullshit, 1) cuz it came from Nick, a leader in bullshitting, 2) he heard it second hand, and 3) that would be just a stupid fucking move on Mike's part and I'd like to think he has more common sense than that and 4) that would also be a very low fucking move on Mike's part and I'd like to think he has more common decency than that. But of course, the suggestion has me fucking reeling, wondering if there isn't a little bit of truth in it, only because I haven't had the time/opportunity to talk to Mike barely at all about our renewed relationship and what it means. Reguardless of any bullshit, I want to know why is it he really wants to date me again? I mean, there should be some real reasons, not just for the hell of it, otherwise what's the point? And what has changed in our relationship that convinces me it's worth it? I mean, since we had problems in the past, what has been done or will be done to stop or prevent those problems from happening again. And what about seeing other people? Has he really come to terms with that idea in that he would be alright not seeing anyone else...as in ever? And if not, then why is he with me? Buying time til someone DOES come around? Yeah, these all need to be answered, and they need to be answered soon. That Friday night when we got back together just did not cut it for conversation. This really makes me want to go home this weeekend, actually tonight, to talk about it with him, but this weekend he works every night and I also could have other plans. So...that leaves the following weekend, but if I have to wait that long I'll go nuts. I have to call him...again...tonight and talk to him. The phone is not the best method, but I really need some answers. I feel like complete shit right now. All I want to do is crawl into a little hole--doesn't help I suppose that I'm hungry and that I know I have a presentation I'm not mentally fit for right now this afternoon....I think I'm going to ask the person in charge if I can please go next week cuz I'm feeling like complete shit and we would be rushed anyway. I just can't handle it right now. I can't believe how shaken I am. It's not so much that I believe Nick, it's more that I don't have much I can say in defense of it. And that's just not right. I have to be confident in why I'm dating him, otherwise what's the fucking point? I mean, yes, I care a lot about Mike and I wouldn't mind another chance at things--but what about him? What are his motivations? I'd like to think they are all good ones, but right now I have doubts and I don't like doubts. Which is why I want them proven wrong as soon as possible. I do have faith in Mike being a good person, but even good people can make mistakes. I don't want to be a mistake, nor do I want giving him another chance to be a mistake. If the right reasons aren't there--if he can't convince me--then I am not about to let this go on. I have other things in life to worry about outside of this messed up start of a relationship. And I don't just mean other possibilities in guys, I mean I have other things other than guys that I would like to think about once in a while, you know? Sometimes they are just so much trouble it makes me wonder why I bother. Yes, there's those good moments...but what good are they when they're followed by such bad ones? This blog entry makes me feel a little better, being able to vent, since no one is around to talk to. ::sigh:: I know part of my being worked up is due to being quite tired. But I also know that there is some truth to what I'm saying and that I do deserve answers after what has passed between Mike and I. If he is not understanding of that, well the, there's my answer right there. Wish me peace and I wish you more. Later.

A new blog for a new start!

ACK!! What is happening to blogger?! This HTTP/1.1 500 Server Error is taking over, bit by bit! Soon there will be nothing left of Blogger!

a new look...many adjustments to be made if blogger will let me

writing papers is a pain in the ass. no matter how many times I say it, the teachers still don't seem to hear me, so instead of agreeing with me and saying, gee, why don't we stop assigning stupid writing assignments, they just give more. is it so difficult to make an assignment somewhat enjoyable? yes, I get to write about my own linguistic development, which means talking about myself which is cool, but why must we incorporate the stuff we had to read in articles? didn't we get enough of it from talking about it for a good couple hours in class, discussing every little point? I feel like I'm just repeating the same dang stuff. I'm trying to make it semi creative/thoughtful but of course that takes time, time I really don't feel like dedicating to an assignment that invovles drolling out stuff we already covered...So of course last night I spent more time chatting, writing emails, and overall just doing anything and everything possible to avoid this assignment so that I'm forced to take the time between classes today to finish it. I'm not sure if it's more because I really don't feel like writing it, or because when I write, I tend to be rather anal about it and am not happy until the phrasing and arrangment is JUST HOW I WANT IT, no matter if it's a short, barely thought provoking little paper or if a huge research report--what I mean is, if I take all the time I would really need to take care of all the little details I want, it would take me a super long time to write it, and I don't want to spend that much time on it, so if I purposely limit myself by leaving it for the last minute, I force myself to be short and sweet and just get it done! ::sigh:: I'm giving myself one more hour to work on it. If I'm not done by then, that's just tough cuz I have better things to do than sit here and work on it...like work on other homework I have due this afternoon :P hmmm, A procrastinator's life is never dull.

To go along with, but to sort of give a counter to Tricia's blog, I think Blaise makes a great point (Blaise is one of the lucky few who apparently likes my blog enough to have it linked to her website, which by the way I think is a lot of fun, especially with the British accent sometimes ;) ) when she says:
"I didn't feel like writing yesterday, mainly because I had a very frustrating day at work but also because I was thinking not only about the September 11 attacks and the 3,000 who died but all the other tragedies like children dying of starvation in Africa or the thousands of people killed in Eastern Europe. I wondered what it would be like if we had a silence for all of the atrocities. Would it take days, weeks or even months of silence to remember all the dead?

I’m not degrading what happened in America, in fact I still tear up when they play the seemingly endless footage from every different angle of the planes crashing into the towers. I just think we need to look at the bigger picture – at putting an end to senseless wars, trying to prevent babies and children dying from lack of food when we have so much and protecting our planet from corporate raiders who are just out to take take take…. "

I agree with the fact that it was a horrible thing to have happen, and I did take a moment to pause and think about it during my first class at 9ish on Wednesday, and talked about it a bit with some friends. I'm not a fan of the way the whole thing has been exploited by business companies making money off of "American" parafanalia or the way politicians, ::cough:: BUSH! ::cough:: use it to their advantage. AND while I think being together as a NATION Is a good thing, I think TOO MUCH Nationalism is a BAD idea for a world that is so interconnected with so many cultures needing to work together in order to at least TRY to maintain an overall peace. AND, relatively, 3000 people is not that many, I don't mean to sound cold, but think of the THOUSANDS that have died in earthquakes over in Asia and the Middle East, plus even the THOUSANDS that died just in one day at Atiedam in the Civil War. Our country SHOULD remember those who have died, BUT, we also need to move on. Keeping the country in this state of mourning and FEAR is not a good way to go about global relations, nor is it going to help our economy any. Anyways, that's what I have to say on that subject.

Okay, Saturday I went to Minneapolis to visit friends and go to the Renaissance Festival, which I must say was pretty damn cool. Later Saturday night, we went to see some local bands at Uptown Bar and Cafe and I have to say that I was sooo impressed. The first band we listened to was Track 86, and they were pretty good, the singer had a sweet range from nice singing to rocking screaming. I was pretty well blown away though when I heard the next band, Down and Above (dna for short). I know Tricia already wrote about them a little in her blog Whimsical Doodles, but this was my first time at the MN scene, so I have to write about it too. I bought their CD, and I was not at all disappointed. I mean, not only are they three good looking guys, but they all have great singing voices that they blend awesomely. Their guitar/bass riffs rock and the drummer gets some sweet beats going on. On top of that they're all great musicians who are serious about their work but seem to have a lot of fun onstage too, and they were all nice enough to take the time to sign my cd case, which was cool of them. I've seen a few local bands, and they had some definate talent, but out of all of them so far, this one takes the cake and I really hope they make it. I know there's so much competition out there it's next to impossible, but they have a really good start and it seems the determination to make it happen too. So that's why I'm plugging them here, cuz they rock and they deserve it. If there was something I could do to help them out, I would totally do it. Right now the only thing I can do is give you all the official website of Down and Above which also contains a link where you can hear some of their music. Check 'em out :)

What's there to say? I haven't read much, haven't played much. Right now I'm just trying to scrape myself together after my emotional roller coaster finally crashed into the ground. I'll let you know when I have anything intelligent to say. Until then, this blog is on hold. (cue elevator music)

Since it's been a good while, I figure I had better say something in this blog. I've been sick lately :( and my dad has needed the comp for his business stuff--I have to use my parents' comp cuz mine is still at the place getting fixed, mostly cuz I haven't had time this week to pick it up. In literary news, I almost finished that romance novel--it was pretty good, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read the epilogue for some reason now that all the happy stuff is over with. I started reading X-Wing: Bacta War, so now I'm on the 4th book in that X-Wing series. So far I'm definately a fan of it. I guess Mike was right about Stackpole being a good writer--too bad he wasn't slightly more amiable when I met him, but FASA owes him like 20,000 or something so whatever. For FFX, I'm getting pretty far I believe, but right now I'm in a sort of statis cuz I'm trying to build up some experience and buffing up my characters, plus I'm trying to collect fiends for this guy who wants me to round them up for his little practice arena or whatever he's got. Anyway, so the plot hasn't progressed for a while, making it a little boring right now, but at least my characters are starting to kick major ass. I realize I probably should have done more stealing of items earlier in the game, but with Rikku being so weak at first, I didn't want to put her in, and I didn't realize the wide variety of items you could get and how useful they were. Oh well, I could always play again sometime, although considering how long it takes, I'm thinking that's not going to happen. Other than that, nothing too too thrilling right now. It's been a pretty busy week with work at the Sal and trying to get over this stupid coughing cold. ::sigh:: Life just is never simple--but I suppose that makes it more worthwhile...but you know, just once I'd like things to go the way I hope.

Well, I can't say I have a whole lot to write about as far as my reading goes. I actually have put Star Wars on pause for a little while until I finish the book my mom lent me...I'm crossing genres :P ....and it's far from classic....it's....it's.....a romance novel....I know, I know, what am I doing reading a romance novel? But my mom said I'd like it so I decided that since she went through the trouble of borrowing it a second time from her friend just so I could read it, that I had best try it out. It's really not too bad, though sometimes I find it less believable than Star Wars :P But it's about a chick who's an author of kids books, and she has a witty sense of humor, so I can enjoy that aspect, even if I think the fact that she's a millionaire's kid who opted to forgo her inheritance after she got sick of the $....ah well. Now that I'm not having a really fun and wonderful weeekend to take up my time, I'm sure I'll be finding time to finish this book so I can get on with the X-Wing series. FFX is coming along...I'm starting to get afraid of how far I might be in the game...I always hate it when you get near the end--it's like, but I want to keep going! I'm sure I'm not quite THAT far yet, but it's not that far away I'm sure. So anyway, I'm getting tired now, so I'm out of here. Later!

...okay, so not coming super soon.....not really soon at all....more like...in a long time...like a week.....but SOMEDAY! SOMEDAY I WILL UPDATE! And perhaps one day, my ass will recover from the neverending stream of electrical burns caused by Jenny and her cattle prod.

Coming soon to a blog near you!

New, never before seen sentences!
Ultimate fonts made with state-of-the-art computer technology, curtesy of Blogger's massive, exclusive four font catalog!
Tantalize your eyes with a vivid variety of colors such as standard black and white with a spontaneous burst of light brown border--squint and you may even catch the ever elusive rare gray-blue title and headings!

Now showing at the same old blog I've had for couple months and haven't changed aside from putting new entries in whenever I've felt the urge or been jolted into updating by an electric cattle prod held by Jenny.

Done with X-Wing: Wedge's Gamble! And I really can't wait to start the next book; they really leave you hanging, although I have a basic idea of what happens since I know how things are 18 years later in the series :P I'm not sure what the next one is called, but I know it's downstairs on the bookcase almost fully dedicated to Star Wars novels. Only the bottom shelf has a few intruders from different series, but soon...yes soon...those will move to make way for the EMPIRE MWAHA HA HA....okay, maybe not. But it will be a fully Star Wars case, thanks to my brother, me, and a few random other people. ahh, I see--the next book is called...X-Wing: Krytos Trap. :) And I get 4 hours in a bus tomorrow to get a good start on it, so I'm pretty happy about that. I just hope the IMAX show we go to is better than the Dolphin one from last year. Even if it's not, there's few things better than a long bus ride and then watching a movie with the kids.....why? cuz it doesn't require running my butt off, that's why! Not that I don't mind playing with them, but sometimes it's nice to just chill--besides, we're supposed to go swimming later anyway. As far as FFX goes....man I suck at Blitzball...I lost the first one they let you play, and I've lost 2 games since--the first of those 2 optional games I scored no points...the second game I got one so it was 1-4 :( I've gotta practice or something. I know a lot of it's cuz I really suck as sports--both in real life and in video games, mostly cuz I just don't play much (mostly cuz I suck and I'm not much of a fan of them)...Point being, if I'm going to get anywhere in the blitzball tournaments, I had better sit down and just keep playing game after game cuz right now I stink at it. The rest of the game seems to be going alright--it's kinda like playing an interactive movie...a LONG movie, but it's pretty darn cool. Better wrap it up for the night--c ya!

I picked a bad time to pause my FFX game--right in the middle of a blitzball game which I have a really hard time figuring out how to deal with :P I get overwhelmed with the controls and all the commotion going on and how I can still play with things on Auto but I can use Manual if I like, but then what should I do--pass, dribble, break, shoot :P grrrr...I do like complicated games, but geez. But then I was like, well, it's after 10, maybe I should check email so I can chat with the usual suspects online. That and I felt rather antisocial sitting downstairs while my fam was upstairs--PLUS the game was frustrating me :P In other news, getting close to the end of the X-Wing book, which I must say is pretty good. I'm glad I've finally gotten around to reading those, but it makes me want to reread the books that will be coming inbetween this series too--like the Zahn trilogy, the Jedi Academy trilogy and so forth. MAYBE even Truce at Bakura and The Courtship of Princess Leia....But the thing is, there's so many books I haven't read yet, that it seems rather silly to be rereading books I have already reread. Not that I'm REQUIRED to read certain books, but I WAS hoping to get to some others on my list. Of course, I haven't gotten too far on that--haven't left the Star Wars list...::sigh:: such is the way of things, the way of the Katie ;) Yeah, I know...I like Star Wars too much...pop culture is engrained in me--1 in 10 sentences I utter can be related to a movie as a direct quote or a paraphrase :P And when I hear certain key phrases from people I can pick out what movie or show it makes me think of. Ah well, to quote a movie "check ya later" ;)

Yep Tricia, the weekend was pretty damn cool :) Now it's back to the hum drum of daily work :P As far as X-Wing: Wedge's Gamble goes, I'm about.....12 chapters in, so I haven't really gotten too far. And I haven't had much time to play FFX either--I know, it's all very sad :( Perhaps after I get done helping with Chris and Beth's house later tonight I'll have the time to chill...one can only hope for a LITTLE free time. Grrr...maybe I'll just go for an hour, yeah. Anyway, considering how diverse the topics of this blog tend to be, I wonder if it's still wise to advertise it as a "literary website" when books are just a small portion of what I blab about on here. Oh well, if you who find the time to read this don't mind, then neither do I. Besides, the description makes the site sound all smart and academic like ;) Gotta go for now, later dudes ;)

What can I say? How about, I'm really psyched about my trip to EC and MN this weekend--it'll be such a nice change of pace AND I'll have time to just chill in my car driving AND I get to hang out with some good friends :) On a literary note, I'm almost done with X-Wing: Rogue Squadron--so far I'm actually really liking the X-wing series. Maybe it just took getting to know the characters better or something. At the time in the series a few years ago, when I would have read them to be in the right sequence, I didn't feel like it cuz I wanted to know more about Han, Leia, and most of all, Luke. I really wasn't interested in some guy Micahel Stackpole made up (aka Corran Horn) and not even that much in Wedge, even though he is a cool guy. The funny thing is though, that the books I just read that come 20 some years later in the series are very much related to the X-Wing series in plot and characters, so I guess I'm doing it backwards--getting the jokes and allusions the opposite way I should have. But it's alright, I don't mind doing it the hard way. I tell you one thing though, there's nothing more frustratingly difficult than trying to explain to a 9 year old what X-Wing: Rogue Squadron has to do with the movies:

kid: Oh Star Wars! I saw the movies!
me: Oh, did you? cool--the old ones and the new ones too?
kid: yep, I saw the one with Jar Jar. He's in that book, right? (pointing to X-Wing: Rogue Squadron)
me: oh, no, this book happens waaay after that movie--called Episode 1--that you saw. It takes place a couple years after the laaast movie, you know, the old ones made about 25 years ago, that you can see on tape.
kid: so it has Jar Jar in it right?
me: no, this book is yeeeeears after that movie, so Jar Jar would probably be dead at this time
kid: is he in that book? (she points to the other book in my hand--I had both X-Wing: Rogue Squadron which I just finished today and X-Wing: Wedge's Gamble (since I just started it) in my hands)
me: no, this is the next book in the same series--it takes place right after the other book. See? (points to the label "Book 1 of the X-Wing Series" on the top of one and the label "Book 2 of the X-Wing Series" on the other book
kid: Yeah--see? it says 1 right there, so Episode 1, and then Episode 2, right?
me: no, these books aren't based on those movies, they just have some of the characters from the movies--like Princess Leia, Wedge--
kid: and Jar Jar Binks, right?
me: ::sigh::